foreign space - poetry&prose

wenrene ft. yeri ○ swimming pools

"why can't we save anyone?"

i looked at seungwan, who looked so hopeless as she started to cry. i didn't know what to say, so i just stayed where i was and watched her. i think she must have stopped getting numb when she started to talk about joohyun. thinking back, maybe i should've stopped her from doing so. then she wouldn't be such a sobbing mess.

of course it wasn't that that bothered me. it just looked like it hurt very much.

but back to the point. after a while, she started hugging me really hard, and i just patted her back. i was sad too, so i didn't know what to do.

then we were kissing. like a real kiss. i don't know how or why, but i did feel like seungwan's grip was a little too strong, until she pulled away. "i'm sorry," she said.

"no, it's okay."

"i shouldn't have kissed you."

"it's fine, unnie. i'm fine with it."

we were silent for a while except for her sobs. then i asked, "does she really love you?"

she thought for a while, then shook her head. "i don't know. i don't want to make assumptions."

i think she didn't want to think of anything that could particularly ruin her hopes, so she just stayed where she was, thinking joohyun hates her. or not.

i thought back to a few hours ago, when joohyun stood up and yelled at wendy that she was a "faggot", and never took back what she said. and how she just stayed silent as her friends started beating wendy up. and how, when wendy tried to talk to her at the lockers, she just slammed her locker and glared at her, like wendy had no right to talk to her.

but i also keep thinking about how joohyun yelled at her father when he started to hit wendy. and i thought about joohyun always having to get drunk or stoned just to kiss wendy, and i thought about them kissing in the bedroom, quick and stolen.

by now, i assume joohyun at least cares for seungwan. because i remember her throwing rocks at windows and how wendy just knew then. and maybe she never saw it, but i remember joohyun laughing as frank-n'-furter-wendy sat on my lap, and even though it was funny, i could see the adoration in her eyes for seungwan as she grinned and gave me a thumbs up. and they both didn't see me, but i remember seeing joohyun kissing her repeatedly after the show and laughing, saying "i love you" over and over again, like she couldn't get enough of her. like she didn't have anything to hide.

- glimmer of hope like an exhale of smoke

170104