foreign space - poetry&prose

making everything about me (and you)

i keep lying to myself that i've moved on. and i keep lying to myself that i haven't.

(my heart still aches whenever we talk, really - wouldn't we have been so pretty without being so ugly?)

do you still love her? someone asked. i like to think it was you even though it probably wasn't.

and i was saying the truth - i don't want to love you anymore even when i still care about you stupidly.

and i know im just channeling my sadness over a stupid fanfic chapter into this. but i couldn't help but think about you. it's so funny - didn't we have a chance? and maybe, just like how i'm heartbroken over yerim calling out to joohyun, im ready to finally stop thinking about you without caring. (why do i keep finding myself in her?)

(all sadness aside, i fucking love yerene because i never want them to experience noisy thoughts again. also i am a sucker for unconventional ships)

i finally listened to "when you love someone" by day6 again, actually. you made it so meaningful to me i didn't know if i could listen to it again without you being mine.

for the first time, it didn't hurt.

(i can't believe a fanfic chapter helped me to do this, it's so funny but heartwarming what stories can do, how much stories can inspire.)

you say you miss me too sometimes. and sometimes it still does hurt. but no matter. i don't want to be plagued by memories of you anymore, no matter how sweet they were to keep.

so thank you, sky. thank you for making me happy, making me realize how much i could feel even when i did have an inability to do it. thank you for filling my nights with laughs and whispers, and mistakes and tears. thank you for loving me.

(i think i'll listen to your playlist again - the one i haven't touched in over a month. reminisce a little? then i'll delete it probably. make a new one for the ones around me who make me laugh and not so alone, maybe.)

i feel so light. hopeful.

- oh im singing for you