All Over Again

Part 8

I pull the blankets tighter around my body and cuddle my head into the pillow, or what I thought was a pillow.  I open my eyes blinking away the bleariness allowing my eyes to focus on where my head was resting.  On Matthews shoulder.  I scoot backwards and try to sit up but his arm around my waist tightens as he pulls me back against him.  "Stay here, Cas."  He mumbles his mouth barely moving as he rests his chin on the top of my head.  He softly kisses the top of my head before his breathing slows and he slips back into sleep.  I lay with my head resting on his shoulder and watch as his chest rises and falls with each breath, closing my eyes I listen to the gentle sound and slowly fall asleep.  

I jerk awake at the sound of raised voices arguing.  I sit up noticing the bed next to me is now empty.  I search the room and notice the door slightly opened allowing a small amount of light to slip through.  Sliding off of the bed I slip on a pair of Matt's shorts and the discarded sweatshirt zipping the front, as I push the door open.  Walking down the short hallway the voices become clearer, so I can hear what the argument is about.  I hear my brothers voice rising as he voices his anger.

"You were in bed with my sister!  What the hell man!?"  He stands with his arms crossed as he moves closer to Matthew.  

"You're going to wake her up Jake.  Shut up and talk like a normal person."  Matthew stands near the couch blocking the side table from Jake's view.  "Yes, I was in bed next to her.  Big woop."

"You are an ass.  That's my baby sister!  It's insane!  Why would you even want..."  His voice fades out as he sees me standing at the entrance of the room.  "Cassie...."

I shake my head and turn walking into the kitchen. I lean my head against the wall just inside the room and close my eyes.  "What the hell is your problem Jacob?  Why would I want to?  How about because unlike the rest of you I actually love her.  Cas means the world to me,"  

He's cut off when Jake starts in, "Well that's hilarious.  If you're so in love with her why didn't you come here after she left three years ago?"

"I didn't know where she was!  I spent these three years trying to find her, and make sure she was okay.  Apparently I'm the only one who cares."

"You're the only one who cares!? I'm her brother!  I've been there for her for her whole life, you haven't. So don't pull that card."

"Enough.  Please just stop fighting.  I'm not worth the two of you hating each other."  I say as I walk past the pair and grab the photo from the side table, and carry it to my bedroom.  I place it on the side table and turn to walk back out the door, but pause when I see Matt standing against the door frame.

He steps forward and wraps his arms around my waist, moving one hand to my hair.  "You're crazy if you think that's true.  I'd rather lose him as a friend than lose you.  You're worth it." I rest my forehead against his chest momentarily and press a kiss to the area.  "I love you Cas."  He whispers, and slides his hand down my arm to lace our fingers.  

I nod and squeeze his hand in mine, wanting to say it back but not being able to bring myself to it.  I follow after him as he walks back down the hall, but keep going as he walks into the bathroom.  I reach the kitchen and see my brothers standing at the counter, I look away and continue my task of making breakfast.  "I can just go buy something, if you rather Cassie."  I don't stop my task of sorting through the fruit bowl.  I pull out an apple and set it on the counter, I turn to the cupboard above me and reach up to grab a bowl.  Jake grabs my arm and stops me, "Did you hear me Cas?  I can go buy donuts or something?"  

"Don't Jake.....Just don't."  I jerk my arm away and grab a bowl setting it on the counter.  I silently reach and grab a knife cutting the apple in half.  I set one half to the side, in a ziplock bag and finish cutting the other.  I set the knife down and place the slices in the bowl.  "Is that really how you feel?"  I ask quietly not daring to look up at my brother.  

"What?"  He asks next to me sounding confused.

"Do you really feel like you've been there?  And that it would be so repulsive for him to love me?"  I ask my voice cracking.  

"I have been there Cassie.  More than he has.  I didn't day that."

"You didn't have to say it.  You made it clear."  I stare down at the bowl of apple slices not wanting them any more.  I open the ziplock and dump them in with the rest of the apple.  "And where were you when I needed you?"  I toss the bag onto the counter and walk away closing the door to the guest bedroom, where I fall to the bed and pull Matthew's pillow to my body.  "Where were you when I was giving up?"  I whisper into the pillow and stare at the door.