All Over Again

Part 3

Four hours later I fall back onto the couch in Jacob's living room, the living room of my old house, and cover my face with my hands.  How did I get pulled into this?  All I wanted was to be here for the wedding then to go home to my apartment and not come back.  "Cassie?  Hey you okay?"  I hear a voice behind me and groan as I pull my hands down and stand up.

"For the last time Matthew, I'm fine.  Just tired, and this wasn't exactly what I had planned for after the wedding."  I walk over to the window and scan the land in front of the house.  I smile as I watch two of the cats chase each other around in circles.  I turn back around and see Matthew staring at me with a curious expression on his face.  "Now what?  Matt seriously I just want to go to sleep and get on with the week so I can go home."  

"Nothing Cassie.  I just didn't know you hated it here so much."  I roll my eyes at him before walking down the hall towards my old room.  I don't hate it here, I just hate the memories and the feeling that comes with them.

"Good night.  Use the guest room.  I'll be up by 6:30 to make breakfast."  I call down the hallway and pull the door closed behind me.

I walk over to my old closet after changing, and dig through the shelves until I find the old picture I wanted to see.  A picture of Matthew and I four years ago.  Biting my lip I look away for a moment and then turn back putting it back in it's place and moving to the bed sitting in the corner.

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Sitting up the next morning I sigh and swing my legs over the edge of the bed.  Why did I have to dream about that day?  Yes it was one of the best days I've had, but things have changed and that day is a distant memory.  Pulling my hair up onto my head I quickly shrug on a light weight jacket and make my way down the hallway and out the front door.  I walk into the barn and make my way down the isle to the end of the row.  Glancing over my shoulder I slide open the stall and pull it shut behind me.  "Hey boy."  I smile as the old horse head bumps against my chest.  "I know, I've missed you too Cash.  I'll stay here for a little while but I'll have to leave again soon."  He snorts and stomps his foot, "Hey now be nice you old grump."  I press a kiss to his nose and slide down the back wall and watch as he blinks his big brown eyes while staring at me.  "Alright you win."  I say digging into my pocket and pulling out a peppermint.  He crunches it between his teeth before letting out a pleased snort and bending his front legs before his back ones to lay down.  "You know, you really are to big for this."  I mutter as he lays his big head in my lap.  

That's how Matthew finds us an hour later.  I jerk awake as I hear his soft laughter from the doorway of the stall.  Cash lifts his head and snorts, as he pushes his way up and walks over to the door lipping at Matthew's hair, in attempts to get his attention.  "Comfortable down there Cassie?"  I glare at him as I stand up and walk along Cash's side and slide open the stall door.  I don't answer as I grab the halter and lead and put it over Cash's head.  He follows after me and I listen to the sound of his big feet plodding along on the dirt.  I reach the pasture where our other draft Reba stands munching on grass.  I remove the halter and close the gate behind him making sure they can't just wander out.  "So that's how you're going to play this?  Like we don't know each other, cause I hate to tell you but that's anything but true.  I can understand not wanting to bring it up at the wedding, but Jake isn't here now.  We can't ignore it Cassie, it happened and then a year later you just left."

"Just shut up Matthew.  It's exactly that it happened, four years ago.  Neither one of us tried to deal with it once I left so don't you dare try an blame it on me.  You could have come up and found me.  But you didn't. So forget it, like you said we can't ignore it but we did.  It's the past and it's going to stay there."  I glare at him and turn away and walk back to the house where I slam the front door behind me.  I hurry down the hallway and into my room pushing the door closed and leaning back on it.  He's right we shouldn't ignore it, it happened we can't change that.  I'd never want to change it, but I can't face it and I could never tell Jacob.  I was nineteen and Matt had just turned twenty three, a few months older than my brother.  I walk away from the door wiping under my eyes and stare at the picture, the picture of Matthew and I standing next to each other and holding hands.

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