oreo // lashton

i don't love you.

When you go

Would you even turn to say

"I don't love you

Like I did

Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading

So sick and tired of all the needless beating

But baby when they knock you

Down and out

It's where you oughta stay

I Don't Love You ~ My Chemical Romance

~

Ashton's POV

"C-come in." I said. Here goes nothing.

"Thank you." Liam said, walking into my house along with everyone else. What were we even going to talk about? I'm not telling them shit, so they better do all the talking.

 "Well, Ashton, first we wanted to apologize." Niall said. 

"Little overdue." I mumbled, earning a glare from Harry. Why the fuck is he giving me a glare? He expects me to forgive them? I'll do whatever I want to, thank you very much.

"Yeah, actually, it is. We never should've went with Zayn that day. I know that was a long time ago. Three years if you want to be exact. But I still feel bad. We still feel bad." Liam said.

"That didn't happen, though. You didn't stay with me. You guys left me." I directed to everyone, besides Harry, of course.

"Ash, calm down. They're apologizing. They want you to forgive them and be their friend again. Isn't that what you wanted?" Harry asked me. Yeah, that is what I wanted. Three years ago. But, again, that didn't happen. They left me.

"I wanted to be their friend again. I can't trust you guys like I used to be able to. Everyone I've ever trusted has eft me, besides one person. That person is the only person I wanna see right now, so please make your way to the door." I said, avoiding eye contact with everyone. I sounded a lot more confident than I really was. I mean, who was I, this pathetic, weak boy to stand up to people much stronger than I was?

"But, Ash-" Niall started, but I interrupted him.

"No, none of that. Please, just everyone leave." I begged. Why won't they listen to me in my own damn house?

"Ashton, we just want to be your friends again." Louis said, staring at me with a look of sympathy and pity. No. No! I don't want their damn pity! 

"Why? Why do you guys what to be my friend again?" I questioned. Might as well know, since everyone has decided to be nice to me all of the sudden. This shouldn't be happening. I'm Ashton. Ashton Irwin. Ashton Irwin doesn't deserve good things.

Got that right. 

Exactly.

"Because, uh, well..." Liam started, but stopped his answer.

"There. See? You don't want to be my friend, you just feel bad. And you shouldn't. I'm fine." I lied. Well, the first part was true. Second part? Not so much.

"No, Ashton you're not! We've seen how skinny you are and-" Niall started, but again, I cut him off.

"I'm not too fucking skinny! I'm not fucking depressed! I'm fucking fine! Just leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled at them, running away to my room.

Is that all I can do? Just run away?

~

Harry's POV

After Ashton sort of blew up, we all left to give him some time to cool off. I tried to tell them that he would never be their friend again, but they insisted. I have to admit, for a second I was actually with them and thought that Ashton would forgive them. Wow, we couldn't have been more wrong.

"Shit." Niall said after we walked out the door.

Yeah, that word perfectly describes what just happened. Shit.

~

Ashton's POV

I watched as the blood ran down my wrist from the new cuts I just inflicted. The blade was pressed to my wrist, ready to add another to the nine I had already made, when three boys came into my mind. Michael, Calum, and Luke. 

They just friends with me out of pity, too, right? Luke's just dating me out of pity, right?

Right.

Before I knew what I was doing, I dialed Luke's number.

"Hello?" Luke answered.

"H-hey."

"Are you okay? You sound like you're crying."

"I'm fine. I'm not crying." I lie to him a lot.

"O-okay. Well, you need something? I thought you were pissed at me so I didn't know when we would be talking again."

"I just need to talk to you about something." Here goes nothing. Again.

"Alright. Go on."

"Well, I think I'm gonna quit the band." I said, trying to hide the sobs that were escaping my mouth.

"Are you sure?" He asked. You could hear the sadness in his voice. 

"Y-yeah, I'm sure. Another thing." I said. This is it. He's not going to be mine anymore.

"Yeah?" 

"I think we should break up."

"Okay." He said. And with that, he hung up. 

That was supposed to make me feel better. He didn't love me. He didn't like me one bit. Honestly, who could love me?

Why do I feel guilty?

~

Luke's POV

He actually did it. I didn't think he would. We all new it would happen. Just one of those stupid little dating things that didn't last long, right? 

No, not right.

 I think the reason he broke up with me is that I rushed it a lot. The only reason I asked him to be my boyfriend so quickly was because I liked him even before he started hating himself. I just didn't tell anyone because he actually used to be sort of popular. 

I'm actually sad that he left me. I mean, it was rushed, yes, but that meant when we find new things out about each other, we could see what the other would think by their reaction. We most likely wouldn't hate anything and we'd be perfect. But now it's gone.

I'd be lying if I went up to him and said, "I don't love you."

~

Ashton's POV

I have to get it through my head that he never loved me. He could never love me. He hates me. He pities me. He just felt sorry for me. 

I had tried to get my mind off this earlier, but it's impossible. I cannot get those damn blue eyes out of my head! I feel so fucking bad about breaking up with him. It was the right thing to do, though. Now he can move on from the worthless piece of shit that I am. He's going to be much happier now, right?

Right.

I know.

~

I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't fucking love him. I don't love Luke. I don't fucking love Luke Robert Hemmings.

How long will it take to convince that to myself?

~