Every time you make a move

Carrying Secrets? Pt III

Monica drifted in and out of her sleepy state moment upon moment until she was jolted awake by a sudden terror amidst the thoughts and fears whirring in her mind. Her throat still felt sore from crying earlier in the night, and her head hurt too. As much as she dreaded being alone with her thoughts of Freddie when she was conscious, she needed water.

Quietly, she got out of bed and crept to the Deacons' kitchen for a glass of water, trying to plan what the baby's future, and of course, her own, would be.

She would've considered an abortion if the child was a product of rape. But this baby wasn't the result of a traumatic experience. Sadly, this baby was made out of beautiful love, during times of wonderful memories she had shared with a man that she began to doubt and was by now too afraid to consider a loving father and companion. She loved the baby, and knew that it came from something good, and wanted what was best for it. Perhaps if I have it adopted into a good family, she thought as she filled her glass under the cold tap, then when it's 18 I can go out into the world and look for it. A few girls at her old school back home in Belfast who got pregnant by accident had all gone to England as part of a programme run by a women's charity to have babies in secret and put them up for adoption, whilst their families believed that they were studying overseas. Maybe if Monica did the same-

But there was no point. Freddie already knew that she was pregnant. He would want to go out find the child too, now that he knew it existed, and the whole thing would create such a fuss on front page news. And also, as much as she wanted what was best for the baby she thought in a way that it'd be unfair if Freddie didn't have a say. There was still love for him residing within her, as much as it hurt to admit. It was her body, yes, but deep down she believed that he deserved a chance to prove himself.

The thoughts of losing not only her baby but giving up the man that she loved caused tears to slide down her cheek involuntarily. She stood at the sink as she swallowed the lost drop, tiredly watching as the light of the sun behind the horizon began to penetrate the night sky with subtle pink hues. The fact that she was going to have to face him in a couple of hours didn't feel real until then. She placed the glass back on the dryer and quietly made her way back to the guest bedroom...

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The Morning...

"Let me show you upstairs..." Deaky whispered as he led Freddie to the staircase of his household that morning. "So, you came, just as expected..."

"I can't let her go." Was all that he murmured in reply, following him up each step, head down in shame.

"Well," John couldn't think of anything helpful to say. "Thank you for coming.She's just in here..." he made is way over to the guest bedroom door.

"Honestly I don't know how to thank you for how good you have been to us..." Freddie murmured as he unzipped his leather jacket. "Where's the wife and brood?"

"No problem. And Veronica took him to her mum's." John slowly turned the doorknob, allowing him to go in.

There she was, asleep in the dim, small bedroom with the curtains closed. Under the covers she looked pale with smeared makeup around her eyes, her brown waves disheveled, her face contorted in sadness. But to him she was still beautiful. Slowly, he crept over to her side of the bed, biting his lip hard to hold the tears back.

"I'll be at the doorway to make sure she knows it's okay" John said quietly behind him, arms crossed.

Freddie nodded and bent down to her bedside, and reached an arm out to touch her. Gently, he started to smooth her brunette locks away from her face, his thumb grazing her cheek and the freckles that were dusted here and there that had faded as she got older. Although he could barely see them unless they were pointed out he liked how they were scattered across the middle of her face as they complimented her blue eyes nicely. Much to his amusement, she even had a freckle on her upper lip, a detail he picked up on the more he got to know her. His finger lightly touched it-