50 Thoughts That Scare Me [Frerard]

Lips -Chapter 4

"Did you take your pills tonight, Frankie?" My mom said over the phone. 

"They're just pills. No one will tell me why I take them anyway." I said stubbornly. It's true, I take a total of 2-3 pills. I only know one of them is for depression. The other 1-2 pills are mysterious. I know nothing about them, for all I know they could be poisonous. 

"Frank, I promise one day I'll tell you what they're for. But with the cancer you have, that brings stress. I don't want to tell you and have you stressing out because of it. Now take them." My mom sounded like she was on the verge of tears. I sighed. 

"If it's that important to you, fine. But please don't call me Frankie. I don't like it." I told her. 

"I met someone today." I whispered, suddenly feeling embarrassed. My mom is always on me about making friends, meeting people, anything besides locking myself in my room with my guitar. But I go to the park, I don't talk to much of anyone, but I go there. 

"That's great hunny, what's their name?" I could practically hear the smile in her voice. 

"His name is Gerard. He moved next door. Well, I gotta go to bed." I quickly said so she didn't ask me a thousand questions about Gerard. I barely knew him, I couldn't answer questions about him. 

I hung up and put the phone back in it's place. I walked into the bathroom and picked up the pills for tonight. My mom kept my pills in one of those days of the week organizers so I didn't see the pill bottles. She usually hid the bottles somewhere, I tried to find them but I gave up after awhile. I cringed as I plopped the pills into my mouth and swallowed them. I hate taking these fucking things. 

There was a knock on the door. I furrowed my eyebrows as I answered it...Again.. 

"Hey, what are you doing here, again?" I chuckled softly. 

"Well, I was wondering if you want to come over for dinner. Seeing how your mom is gone." Gerard pointed towards the kitchen. Ahh yeah,  remember I told him my mom was gone for the week. Damn. 

"Uh sure. But I'm vegetarian. So..." I trailed off and looked at the ground. 

"No problem, come on!" Gerard grabbed my hand and ran towards his house. 

Gerard opened the front door to reveal what I assumed was his mother and father, then a younger boy sitting on the couch. I bit my lip from being nervous, I'm not really used to being near so many people. Gerard dropped my hand and motioned for me to step further into the house. It was interesting. The on thing that threw me off was how happy Gerard was, any other time he never seemed so over positive. Until now. But I got a good feeling about the over positive source of energy he had. Like it was a good thing. 

"Mom, Dad, Mikey, this is Frank. Frank, this is my mom, my dad, and my little bro Mikey." He gestured each of them. 

"Hi, I'm Frank Iero." I made eye contact with all of them. Mikey looked at me a little longer than everyone else, soon a smile grew on his face. I gave him a small smile with no enthusiasm. 

"Mom, Frank is vegetarian. But we're gonna go in my room until dinner." Gerard said. I shook my head and followed him up the stairs to his bedroom. 

When I walked in I noticed the black walls that had posters and drawings on them. I noticed the crumbled paper that littered the floor and the black curtains that let in almost no light into the room. Weird, this is how my room looks...Sort of. 

"You like it?" Gerard chuckled as he noticed me checking out his room. 

"It actually resembles my room a bit." I commented. Gerard and I sat on his bed in silence. It wasn't exactly an awkward silence, but it was silence. 

"So, you gonna tell me more things about yourself?" Gerard broke the silence. He glanced at me for a mere few seconds. 

"Depends." I mumbled, feeling sort of uncomfortable. 

"I won't judge you if that's what you're worried about." He mumbled back. 

"Fine," I started, sighing. I might as well tell him some stuff about me. "My name's Frank Anthony Iero, my birthday is October 31, also known as Halloween, I'm in a bad health situation, I have depression, anxiety, and insomnia, my favorite color is mauve, a mix of purple and blue I think, I've lived in New Jersey my whole life, my parent's are divorced, and I'm interested in music and Harry Potter." I described myself. 

"What kind of medical condition?" Gerard looked concerned.

"Maybe one day I'll tell you. Just not now, not here." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Okay, well what about the other fears you have?" I blinked. Other fears?

"How did you know I had other fears?" I asked surprised. 

"I'm good at picking up things, like I said at the park. You always look on edge." Gerard stared at me for awhile.

"You're a weird guy Gerard." I whispered. 

"Ahh, but so are you." He whispered back and patted my head. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Frank, I'll be right back, I need to pee." Gerard announced. I nodded my head as he left. Mikey came in the room and sat down next to me. 

"You're different." He observed. "You made him different." He said again. 

"What do you mean?" I rose an eyebrow.

"Gerard used to be so different. You changed him within a day. Hopefully you guys remain friends." He smiled and then left. 

I sat on Gerard's bed thinking. I had changed someone within a day. How could that be? I'm just the freak kid with a bizarre mind and horrible health. Have I changed as well? If I did change, what changed about me? The only thing I've noticed was that I actually took my pills and I told someone about myself. I swallowed back the screaming that was about to escape my lips. I had told someone about myself, and now things will happen differently, I'll be treated differently. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Frank? Frank?? Frankie??" Gerard snapped his fingers in front of my face.

"Wha-- Don't call me Frankie...Please." I added on. He shook his head and sat next to me. 

"What's wrong?" He scrunched his eyebrows together. 

"N-Nothing. Just thinking." I bit my lip. 

"You seem to do that a lot." Gerard said suddenly. 

"Do what? Think? Doesn't everyone think a lot?" I suddenly felt defensive. 

"No, bite your lip." He pointed at my teeth that were tugging on my bottom lip. 

"It's a habit." I shrugged. 

"Well I'm going to get you out of that habit. It's bad for your lips." 

"So? My lips are bad anyways." I didn't really see the point, my lips get chapped a lot, they split sometimes, and they used to hold cigarettes between them. 

"No they aren't." He said and pulled me into the kitchen before I could argue. How would he know? After all, he is just Gerard. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. I'm scared of the thought that people don't take time to realize what they have

2. I'm scared of the thought of swallowing a simple pill.

3. I'm scared of the thought of someone giving me pity

4. I'm scared of the thought that one day, someone will know exactly what I'm thinking.

5. I'm scared of the thought, that I don't know what to think. 

6.I'm scared of the thought of  people reading my mind off of how I act or look. (Just like Gerard)

7. I'm scared to be alone.