50 Thoughts That Scare Me [Frerard]

Chapter 20 - Please Take My Breath Away

I sat backstage at the venue that night, still October 31, and listed all of my fears down on paper. I listed them in the new note pad Gerard had got me.

Why did I decide to write down 49 fears in a notebook now? Well, everything comes to an end, even secret fears.

I set the notebook down on the table. On the cover in Sharpie marker it said 'PROPERTY OF FRANK IERO: DO NOT TOUCH.'

I slipped the Frankenstein mask over my face and stuck the fake screws in my neck. Then I just stared in the mirror. I saw myself in a different light, I looked and felt unusual. I guess it was because I never imagined myself to be 1. Playing guitar in a popular touring band, 2. Having a boyfriend that means everything to me 3. Still listing my fears at the age of 17.

"Hey, there's my Frankenstein." Gerard rounded the corner and walked into the bathroom.

"Hey." I turned to kiss his cheek.

I watched as the corners of his lips curled up into his usual cute smile. For some reason I had a gut feeling that one day I would miss this. Whether it be the cancer to exterminate from the earth or whether something happens and I lose everything I have, I would miss this one way or another. But more importantly, out of all those things, I would miss Gerard.

"Frankie?" Gerard waved a hand in front of my face.

"Hmm?" I looked at him surprised.

"You spaced out," he chuckled, "are you alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. We should probably get to the stage." Gerard nodded his head and started to walk, I was right behind him but I didn't leave without taking that one last look in the mirror.

I slammed my guitar pick down on the appropriate strings, quickly placed my fingers in the next position, and I did this all with a smile on my face. I don't know what changed within me, but I guess I started to look at life differently. I no longer felt that usual anger or upset feeling on the inside when I saw that business man walking to his job. I didn't care about the boring routine, but I learned this is my routine and I love it.

I never thought about the abandonment I felt against my father, I didn't feel the urge to punch a fucking pillow because of the loss of my mother. I felt content with everything around me, and I felt that I finally belonged somewhere.

I didn't go back to the place that brought me pain, I didn't listen to those shitty teenagers, and I didn't think about the cancer ruining everything, I thought of it as just another obstacle in the wild life of Frank Iero, or myself.

And then, when I looked at Gerard, his growing hair that stuck to his sweaty face, his slimy looking lips, I heard his beautiful voice singing to Helena, and I just understood. I got that warm feeling in my gut and I smiled. I finally fit in, and I was coming to terms with the fact that maybe I had found my forever.

Next was I'm Not Okay (I Promise) and that's when I didn't feel okay anymore.

As I played the correct chords I felt dizzy and my mouth was going dry, I was breathing harder and I felt my pulse pick up an abnormal quick speed. I could feel the tears coming up to the surface of my eyes and I looked at Gerard.

He looked back at me in confusion and worry, I don't blame him I was worried to. I didn't know what was going on.

Then- I did. I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head and I fell. My eyes slowly closed, and I felt like I was falling down a dark hole. The last things I heard were "Jesus Christ we need a fucking ambulance!" And the sound of my guitar dropping to the ground beside me.