letters to fay // z.m.

03

dear fay,

one of my favorite nights with you was about two days after the bonfire. during the bonfire, i'd finally told you my name. you gave me your number.

you texted me two or three days after the bonfire and asked if i wanted to hang out--it was 2 am in the morning when you texted me, fay.

even though i had work at the record shop the next morning at 7, and my mum would kill me if she found me sneaking out, i still slipped on my black vans and went out to meet you. i was wearing my leather jacket, jeans, and my favourite black and white pink floyd shirt.

when i met you in the park by the fountain, you were wearing a denim jacket, a light blue blouse, and white shorts. the first thing that came out of my mouth was a question: "aren't you cold?"

to that, you shrugged. i decided it wasn't a big deal and went to stand next to you.

"c'mon, let's go lay in the grass and look at the stars. it's a beautiful night," you suggested, tugging on my hand.

"okay," i agreed because i didn't know what else there was to do. i followed you to the top of the hill in the middle of the park, where you collapsed onto the ground with a grunt.

i tried carefully sitting down, but you tugged on my jacket and made me fall--you're good at that, aren't you? making people fall.

we both laid there laughing for a while, then we grew silent. i did what you said, fay. i stared at the stars. i thought about all of them. there was an adventure somewhere in their midst. i knew you were trying to reach that adventure.

"do you believe in fate, zayn?" you broke the silence with a question.

"i don't know. i guess i do. but i think we get our own say in things, too," i said the honest truth.

"i think so too. i still like staring at the stars, though. thinking they have a plan for me. i like horoscopes and stuff--the good ones, anyway." god, you were beautiful. i watched your lips part as you said this, your hair laying sprawled out in the dew-soaked grass.

"what's the point of horoscopes, then, if you don't really believe in fate?" i asked. honestly fay, i didn't really care. i just wanted to hear you speak.

everything you said was perfect.

"i think that....your destiny is not defined by the stars, but sometimes it's nice to know what the stars have to say about you."

that was the most beautiful thing i'd ever heard, fay. it still is.

you know, i was listening to a song by the script the other day, called 'if you ever come back.' it made me cry.

i miss you so much fay. please come back.

-z