letters to fay // z.m.

13

dear fay,

i just snapped. i just broke. i screamed at the top of my lungs. i charged through your house screaming. i ripped the sketch of me off of your bedroom wall and shoved it in my bag. i grabbed that pair of shoes by your closet door, and i threw those in my bag too.

i ran out of your house screaming and crying.

and then the sirens began to wail. the cops showed up, fay. i jumped the fence in your backyard--the one we leaned against when you showed me your favourite necklace, the silver one with a sapphire jewel in an infinity sign. after jumping the fence, i ran and ran down street after street.

i've finally come to a stop in an abandoned alleyway, next to a dumpster. i can't stop crying.

i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry.

fay, i kept blaming you. accusing you. if i would've known...

god, why was i so stupid? why did i think you had gone on an adventure? you're really locked up in a hospital..fay, i'm the worst human on earth.

i'm the worst. i'm so sorry.

i can't go on anymore, fay. i have been blaming myself for you leaving and now i'm blaming myself even further for thinking you just left me for a stupid reason.

fay, i can't live anymore. you're sick with cancer. i'm pathetic. you probably won't want to even see me, if you eventually read these, you will hate me.

i hate me.

goodbye, fay.

-z