letters to fay // z.m.

12

dear fay,

it's the end of november today. i haven't written more because i haven't had anything to write about. i could write more of the memories we shared with each other but i'm just brain dead.

i never thought i would be so careless, fay...

i suppose it's because the one thing i cared about most in the world left me. i really shouldn't have grown attached to you...i'm sorry if i was a burden to you. if you find these letters, i'm sorry, they are probably a burden to you as well. go ahead and burn them. there's nothing special about my words anyway.

i have the letter addressed to you in my left hand. i'm going to do it, fay... i'm going to open it...

but first, i think i'll go back to your old house.

...

i just arrived at your house. i'm on the inside of the fence, sitting down and leaning against it. i don't know why, i just felt like i had to open the letter near the place you'd always lived..is that weird? sorry if it is.

...

i just read the letter, fay. i'm angry. i'm really angry. i kind of just punched your mailbox. now my knuckles are bloody. that's what false hope does to me.

the letter read:

dearest fay,

i haven't seen you in so long, dear! i told your father i'd come down for your birthday but i couldn't because i got the flu at the last minute. how are you, sweetie? i hope you keep in mind those stories i used to tell you...you are destined for greatness.

love,

grandma josie

i'm not angry at your grandma josie for writing you a letter, i'm just angry that it didn't give me a single clue where you are.

i've started crying now. remember when i said that you gave me hope? well i've lost it. i've lost hope.

wait a moment. i just opened your mailbox. there is a new envelope inside. it's addressed to your parents, from a place called abernathy hospital.

now i've opened the envelope. wait a moment...i have to read.

...

oh my god. fay. oh my god. i can't comprehend this.

i'm shaking uncontrollably. i'm shaking so hard i can barely write this. my eyesight is blurred with tears. i'm on the verge of screaming.

the paper in my hand is a formal letter addressed to your parents..but it mentions you.

dear mr. and mrs. montgomery,

thank you for choosing abernathy hospital! we will make sure that your daughter fay's stay here will be comfortable and peaceful.

her daily schedule will consist of relaxing exercises, like painting and reading and sleeping. once a month, she will have bone marrow transplants.

she is on her way to recovery! we are sure that she will be back home with you as soon as the leukemia disappears.

thanks again, and we promise that we will provide the best care and comfort for our patients, like your daughter. good day!

that's why you left me....fay, you're at a hospital?

you have cancer?

-z