Unwritten

Task One: ☀ Scores ☀

First of all, thank you to everyone who turned in! We were really impressed by everyone and cannot wait to see how you all will do in the coming tasks! For everyone who didn't turn in, don't fear--if you still want to compete, just turn in for the second task. Eliminations will not come into effect until after task two and very few are being eliminated, so if you do well, you can easily make that up! :) We'd love to see everyone who could participate.

Now, onto the scores! For this task, everyone will receive their notes. However, if you would like to receive notes for any of the tasks after this, simply ask the account via PM and we can do that for you! :)

Guest Number One: Brendan James Johnson

Score: 13.1

Notes: The task and character were very solid, your voice was well defined, there was, overall, a great sense of pacing. We can tell that you put a lot of thought into this entry and it shows in the creative approach to the task. The only issue I saw was that the reason he decided to join seems a bit of spur of the moment--which may have been your intention, but it read like he had some reason for joining, but it didn't exactly say the reason, and I feel that a little more clarity could help enhance certain endings like that. Try to work on showing a little more of insight to exactly why a character is doing something and this will allow us to feel just a bit more of him.

Guest Number Two: Ida Jean Gallagher

Score: 13.2

Notes: First off, let me say that you have a wonderful way with words. However, try to avoid repeating something that's been said already. Repetition of words can create a rhythm in writing, but it can also be bulky and can take away from the sentences themselves. Try to tighten up sentences that have a lot of 'fluff' (words that aren't actually adding to the sentence and can be taken out without hurting how it's read). The descriptions were really nice, and the way you characterized everyone had such a feeling of life to it that made them stand out. Still, we did feel that you didn't say too much about the disease itself, and just a bit more about exactly what's causing this, or even them not knowing what causes it, a line that says that could have added a lot to this. Otherwise, this was very good, and it has a great sense of character, feel, and a wonderful use of words that allow for so much to be done. I'd love to see how Ida changes as she goes to Ariston's and how her disease affects her.

Guest Number Three: Sona Mishra

Score: 0

Notes: No Entry

Guest Number Four: Becca Montgomery

Score: 10.9

Notes: This is well written, but look out for details that tell a bit too much. Saying 'I see' is redundant as we know it's her seeing it as it's from her point of view--instead, try to focus more on the actions and the objects of said actions. It feels like it tells a bit too much and that the narration could do with stronger wording in sentences to allow it to flow better, as it is just a tad choppy or long in a few places. You have this great sense of direction in your description, but you need to work on having stronger sentences by cutting unnecessary words or redundant ones to achieve the effect you're looking for. The character herself was really wonderful, and the voice you gave her is strong and good. I love the backstory of Becca, but it felt a bit abrupt in the delivery, and the fight didn't come through as emotional as you may have wanted it to be. Hopefully, this can be made smoother in future entries, showing more of her thoughts and feelings and the confliction between her and her partner.