Trauma

Part 6 "Why?"

# NU'ESTW - Help Me

'Take deep breaths.' I told myself. I was walking to the subway station, hyper-alert, clutching the pepper spray inside my pocket.

People were busy going their own way, most of them wearing headphones. They didn't spare me a glance as I carefully took each step, careful not to lost hold of my spray can.

I made my way to the station in one piece and waited for the subway to take me to my destination. I looked around, trying not to act too weird. People's eyes were all glued to their smartphones. Once the subway came, I let out a sigh and made my way inside.

It felt weird riding the subway again. I kept my eyes strictly on the electronic board, counting how many stops I needed to endure. 

Only 5 more stations to go. 

My mind started wandering, thinking back on the incident. If I had paid more attention that day...

I snapped out of my own thoughts just as the door opened. People started to file in, and I was squished way back. I tried hard not to fall down on the floor. Which was soon not an option as I was squished to the door, unable to move a lot.

Just as I semi-composed myself, trying not to get flattened to death, I felt a hand on my back. Thinking it might be an accident with all these people, I stood still, trying not to lean on anyone. 

Then the hand started traveling way down, groping me.

I wanted to throw up so badly. Should I scream? What should I do? 

I tried to move away from the hand, but I didn't have a whole lot of space to move and the hand followed me. I was trapped. 

I managed to turn my head around, only to find a half bald man in his sixties smiling at me suggestively.  He started to press himself up at me, and like the coward I am, I didn't scream.

What did I do?

I ran away as soon as the door opened. I started pushing people to make my escape and bolted out ignoring all the yelps. I ran to the bathroom, never taking a glance back at the pervert and the surprised people behind me.

There was a line, but I cut in front and ran inside the stall as soon as someone came out. There were a few curse words behind me, But I just couldn't help it.  I quickly closed the stall's door, opened the toilet cover and threw up whatever I had that day.

Sweat started to trickle down my forehead as I wiped my mouth with toilet paper. I had nothing to empty, but my body felt otherwise. After a few empty vomiting, I managed to walk outside and gargle my mouth. In the mirror, there was a girl with sunken eyes, sweaty and a mess. 

It was like that day repeated itself.