Trauma

Part 17 "Deep Thoughts Inside"

"It has been a while, Lizzie. How have you been?" Dr.Grayson asked.

"I..Well I have been coping. The nightmares are back though. That's actually why I'm here." I said, fumbling my fingers.

"Ah..The Nightmares. What do you see in them?" Dr.Grayson asked, crossing his legs.

"The usual. It rarely changes. I'm always there you know?" I said, putting a hand on my chest.

"I see. The nightmares. When did they start reappearing again?" Dr.Grayson asked, leaning forward.

"About a month ago. I thought it will disappear in a while since I didn't have those for 2 years now. But apparently, It's not disappearing." I said, rubbing my eyes. There were huge bags under my eyes and however I tried to cover them, They were apparent as ever.

"Why do you think they came back?" Dr.Grayson asked. I mentally rolled my eyes. I knew he would ask this question.

"I don't really know. I thought I was getting better. I was taking a step at life." I said.

Dr.Grayson looked intrigued. "Oh? Did something new happen in your life? Something significant?"

I blushed. "I made a friend."

Dr.Grayson smiled. "That's a huge improvement, Lizzie. How did you guys meet?"

I smiled back, remembering the day I met Jack. "Jack is a neighbor of mine. He had just moved in the neighborhood and wanted me to eat dinner with him and comment on his cooking. He is working on a cookbook."

"So are you two close?" Dr.Grayson asked, sipping his tea from a mug he was holding.

"Well, kinda. I have been eating dinner with him every day for months and He even met my brother." I chuckled.

"So he is a part of your life now? Someone who you would care for?" Dr.Grayson asked.

I was silent for a moment before I answered Dr.Grayson's question. "He is my friend. I definitely care for him. I can't imagine my life without him really."

"Lizzie, let me just say this. Let's think about your past experience first. Your nightmares have become worse when your boyfriend left you. And it disappeared when you accepted the things that happened to you wasn't your fault and when you decided that you were going to live on, putting the past behind you. So let me ask again. Why do you think the nightmares have come back?"

"I think I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what exactly?" Dr.Grayson pressed.

"I'm afraid that I might lose Jack. That something that happened to me might happen to him. And that he might not be as lucky as me. What will I do when something like that happened to him? I rarely talk to my parents because I feel so guilty whenever I talk to them. They actually blame themselves for having a wreck of a daughter like me, when It is not their fault. Rick is already busy settling in a new city for his job that I don't want to bother him more with my petty problems. I feel free when I'm with Jack because he doesn't know about the Incident yet. He treats me like any other person and that actually makes me happy. I feel somewhat normal." I rambled.

"Don't you think you should talk to Jack about it? That's a step towards putting the incident in your past." Dr.Grayson said.

I shook my head. "I don't think I'm ready to share it with him. I'm worried that he might look at me differently when he finds out."

Dr.Grayson put the mug on his desk. "But he might not as well. You'll never know until you tried it."

After I left Dr.Grayson's office, thanking him, I was deep in thought.

Was it wise to tell Jack what happened in my life? Was it really?