Temptation

-13-

She wasn't alone. I had always suspected that she had left me for somebody else, had almost been certain of it, but it still stung to be faced with the sharp reality of it. I could see why she had chosen him – He was gorgeous. He had tan skin and eyelashes long enough to brush his cheeks when he blinked. His arms were long and muscular, shown off by a black muscle top. He laughed at something that she said, displaying two rows of perfect white teeth.

            I thought of myself – A little on the shorter side, hair that was always a mess, the spots that always seemed to work their way onto my face...He looked as if he hadn't had a bad-looking day in his life. I wanted to pull a paper bag over my face and never show myself to the world again.

            "Rye, come on, let's go." Brooklyn tugged on my sleeve, but watching them was like becoming absorbed into a show on Netflix – I couldn't stop watching, even if it was bad for my health. I kept my eyes on them, taking note of all of the little details – She seemed happier, probably because a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders now that she didn't have to keep their relationship a secret anymore, or maybe it wasn't that at all – Maybe, in all of the years that we'd been together, I just hadn't done it for her. Maybe she'd always known that I wasn't the one before, and I'd missed her wandering eyes because I was so consumed in my love for her.

            I'd lost touch of it over the past day or so, but it all came flooding back now – The feeling of her hands intertwined with mine, me teasing her as she asked for my opinion on what photo of us to post on Instagram, the way she had always leaned back into my kiss. I missed my phone lighting up with her calls. I missed never having a doubt about her love for me. I wanted to relive every single moment that we'd spent together, because this time, I knew that I would savor it. I watched and wondered until she turned her head slightly to the side, and I was no longer looking in secret.

            The longer we maintained eye contact, the more I wanted to do something, and the harder it was to resist that urge. I wanted to tell the guy to not trust her – That she cheated on me and could do the same thing to him, too. I wanted him to disappear so I could kiss her and make love on the table. I wanted to beg her to take me back until she had no choice but to give in. I wanted a chunk of the ceiling to fall on and obliterate the two of them. But before I could do anything, Brooklyn moved, blocking my view of the happy couple.

            Just as I had done to him moments before, he tugged me back to our table. I collapse into my seat, willing myself not to look up. I didn't know what would be worse – If she was still looking at me, or if she wasn't. I knew that the boys were talking – Brooklyn was either explaining to them what had happened or throwing out an excuse – But I didn't care which one it was. I wasn't listening.

            I got up the nerve to meet my fate – From all the way across the crowded cafeteria, her eyes were still on me. My stomach churned. Andy stretched his hand out for me to hold, but I ignored it. Before I even knew what I was doing, I had gotten back up. I heard Andy calling for me to stop, and Mikey saying that it wasn't a good idea, but I paid no mind to either of their comments – This had nothing to do with them.

            We met at the halfway point, and Sophie's voice was low and fervent – "What are you doing here?"

            "Uhm, whaddya think? It's a mall. We went shopping."

            "We?" She asked, even though she had clearly just seen me with the others. She was the traitor in this equation, not me.

            "Yeah. The boys. My band? That I live with?"

            "Nevermind," She muttered.

            "You're not alone, either." It came out as an accusation.

            "Yeah, me and Jeff met a couple of days ago-" I cut her off before she could finish.

            "Sophie, I really don't want to hear it. I know he's why you broke up with me."

            "And I don't wanna hear that. You know exactly why we broke up."

            "Yeah," I said, exasperated. "Because of him." I motioned to the lone figure sitting at their twosome table.

            "I don't miss this," She mumbled under her breath. I didn't like to linger on how we'd always bickered a lot, and when we fought, it was always ugly. I didn't know whether to take offense to it, or interpret it as that she did miss certain parts of what we'd had together. Of me.

            "Look, Rye, you might be in a state of, like, denial or something, but you can't keep doing things like this. I'm in a new relationship now. You have to accept that."

            "Doing things like what? Accidentally running into you in a public place? I have every fucking right to be here, Soph. What, did you tell your little boyfriend that I'm some creepy stalker ex?" Hot anger was creeping up the sides of my neck.

            "Don't call me Soph. And, I mean, if it was such an accident, then why were you looking at me like that?" She had always been good at getting the upper hand.

            "You know what?" I asked, unable to think of some sort of brilliant comeback. The truth was, even though she could be a bit of a bitch, I was still in love with her. "Fuck you." I left her there to view me as somebody who would always be grasping for her love. I wasn't sure whether or not it was true.

            I could feel the boy's eyes on me as I walked back, curious for the details, but I didn't want to talk about it. I told them that I had to go to the bathroom and left them there to talk amongst themselves, taking only Andy with me.

            Once again, he allowed me to talk without words. He simply held me whilst I fell apart. I cried until there were no tears left in me, and then walked out and pretended that nothing had happened.

            It was easier that you'd think when you were empty inside.