Temptation

-24-

            Doing the dares was a lot easier with Blair gone – Within the past three days, I'd managed to get through dares 12-14. For twelve, I'd had to go into a pub and tell a random girl that I'd buy her a drink – And, when I did, I ordered her an orange juice. She'd been a good sport about it, and I'd ended up buying her to vodka to mix in with it, and then dashed out of there.

I shuddered thinking of dare #13 – Drink a full cup of salad dressing. I'd chosen Italian, thinking that it would be the easiest o tog down, but I'd made a terrible miscalculation in that choice. The vinegar burnt my throat on the way down – And on the way back up. Andy had laughed at the misfortune that he'd put me through, and I responded by chasing him around the flat and trying to force him to finish the sip that was left. Even after brushing my teeth and swishing with mouthwash several times and chewing gum for the rest of the day, I still couldn't get the acidic taste out of my mouth. I'd probably never use Italian dressing again in my life.

Today's was a lot easier – On our way up in an elevator, I had to wait for a stranger to get off and then shout out, "Bye! I love you!" The person didn't even look back, so I considered it a success on both ends – It was a rarity that I got through one of these without being humiliated in at least some way.

But, even better than that was the freedom that Andy and I had found to do whatever we wanted with each other. Of course, the boys were still around, but it was surprisingly easy to slip around a corner for a quick kiss or two – Most times, they never even noticed that we were gone. On the ride home from the airport, I had put it out in the air – I liked him. As more than a friend. He'd glanced over at me, face only visible from the glow of the lights on the dashboard, but I could still see his smile.

"I've waited a long time for you to say that."

"Does that mean-" He'd cut me off, one hand on the steering wheel and the other pressed against my lips.

"Yes. A thousand times yes."

And now I really couldn't deny how my chemistry changed when I saw him – My heart started beating faster in my chest, and I had to remind myself that this was still the guy that I knew and lived with. Nothing had changed, yet, somehow, everything had. After the stint at the pub, Andy got drunk and murmured all of the things that he loved about me in my ear, fingers tracing down my chest. He made me feel full – Of happiness, and of love, sort of the way that I'd felt when I'd first fallen for Sophie.

He hadn't asked me about that yet – How I liked both boys and girls – And for that, I was glad. I wasn't sure how to explain it, or if I'd be able to. I'd read about it before – It was called being 'bisexual.' Still, I found myself struggling to accept that that was who I was. A small part of me still wanted to believe that it could be a choice – So, for now, I had decided to simply not think about it. And, with Andy's lips hot and needy against my own, it was a lot easier to do than I would've thought.

That's where we were now – In a public bathroom, taking a break from shooting a music video for our new cover. Andy's back was against the wall and his thigh was hard against my private. I had to stifle a moan as he pressed harder against me whilst he bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair. I leaned over and bit it myself. I liked being able to feel his heavy breathing against my own. I wanted to get out of there and rent a hotel room like he suggested the other day. God, how I wished that I'd taken that opportunity when I had the chance to.

Now, I knew, we would have to part. I would have to fix my hair from where Andy had gripped it, and splash cold water on my face to gather my bearings and present myself like a normal human being to the rest of the world. But, for now, I granted myself one last minute with him. This time, I closed my eyes and kissed him slowly.

"I hope that I don't still taste like vinegar," I whispered sexily in his ear, and he laughed before kissing me again. His kiss had a way of fogging up my head, making me forget that anyone or anything existed outside of the two of us. When I was with him, I didn't worry about the past or fear the future. I simply luxuriated in the bliss of the moment – And that's why it took me a second to register that we were no longer in there alone.

Andy had already moved away from me by the time that I realized the voice asking "What's taking you guys so – Oh," was Brooklyn's. And then I didn't hear anything other than the rush of blood and heat in my ears. I closed my eyes and staggered over to the sink, feeling sick. I managed to say that I needed another moment as they walked out of the loo, but I knew that it would take more than just that.

It felt like the world was splitting apart, and all I could do was watch as it crumbled. There was nothing that I could possibly do to stop it. I felt angry, but I couldn't exactly pinpoint why – At Brooklyn, for walking in on us? At myself, for being so weak? For giving into the urges? At the universe, because they couldn't possibly grant me something good without ripping it away from me right after? In a fit of rage, I punched one of the stall doors – But all that resulted in was a shooting pain in my hand. The door merely swung backwards, otherwise unaffected by me.

I began to face, now clutching my fist against my chest, trying not to hyperventilate as the anger disintegrated back into fear. A splash of light filled the room as the door creaked back open, but was soon blocked out by Brooklyn cautiously stepping in. He waited for it to swing back shut before speaking.

"Rye?"

"Can you please...Go." I wasn't ready to speak to anyone else yet, especially not Brooklyn. I didn't want to see his reaction, or have to watch the disappointment and disgust play out on his face. I had to fully visualize the multiple ways my life would be ruined by this first.

"I will, I just wanted to say something first. And then I'll leave." I stayed silent, fighting back tears, waiting for him to react like the kids on the playground did. I wouldn't fight back – I deserved whatever punishment was waiting for me.

"All I really wanna say is, it doesn't matter to me. Whether you like boys or girls or whatever – Hell, even if you had a sexual preference for goats or whatever. You're still you, and I still love you as you are. We all do. Wait, why are you crying? Did you hear me? Did I say the wrong thing? I'm sorry-"

"No," I shook my head, wiping back the torrents with my good hand. "No, I heard you." He looked confused, so I elaborated for him. "I just - I didn't expect-" My voice cracked, and I looked down at the tile floor to avoid looking him in the eye. "I didn't expect you to be so-" I couldn't find the words to finish, but it didn't matter. His arms were already around me.

"Rye, such a thing would never matter to me, and I know that the same goes for the others, as well, but I promise not to tell them. You can wait until you're ready." He whispered. I didn't want to speak aloud just how good it felt to be accepted, and to be loved for who I was. I didn't want to jinx it – Despite knowing better, I couldn't help but fear that Mikey and Jack wouldn't feel the same.

Still, for the moment, I let myself lean into the embrace and appreciate what I had for now. As I'd just found out, I never quite knew when I would lose it.