Anastasia

Used

* WARNING* This chapter may be triggering and or disturbing to some readers. I'm sorry I had to write something like this in advance, but it's a really important part of the story line. ALSO FUCK HARVEY WEINSTEIN. 

To whomever, it may concern,

I tried my best, but the emptiness inside was already killing me. I have, I believe, somewhat have made a name for myself in this industry, whether it be good or bad, I did, and that was all I wanted to do. I just wanted to be someone, get recognition, be happy. Don't we all? But the thought of it all consumed be and spat me out like garbage. The people I worked for, the people that wanted to work with me and the people that worked for me, they all consumed part of my essence, my being, my worth, and even my body. People made me distrust the world and myself. Why do I distrust this world? Because everyone looks at me like I'm an alien when I say all I want is to be happy. So I stopped looking for happiness for a while and sought refuge in other peoples happiness. Little did I know, by trying to make other people happy and trying to live off on their happiness took a part of my heart, slowly, one by one, and then all together ripped it out. 

There are 7 billion people on this planet and it's terrifying how many of us take our own lives or who are on the verge, but not a single one of those people care enough to notice or to tell us we matter. How fucking sad and terrifying. Maybe we're all just really good at playing our roles as perfectly healthy people who live a perfect life or maybe our world so so twisted that people just don't care anymore.Is our world just that twisted or are we all gonna get nominated for the best actor award? I hate what they have turned me into, I hate what they made me do. I'll see them again, all of them in hell. 

With the pressure that people are putting on me, they're pushing me to think that what I'm about to do is the right answer, because I can not think of any other answer, any other solution. This is the only way I can get rid of all the voices, all the opinions, all the expectations, and all the hope that people have put on me. 

What did I ever do wrong? Seriously, just think about it for two seconds, what did I ever do wrong to experience such a terrible pain? I don't deserve this. I have been nothing but nice to people who stomp all over me. What did I do so wrong in a past life that I have been cursed with this unfathomable feeling of self-hatred? I am likely to think that this is not at all suicide. Because you cant kill someone that is already dead inside. 

Good riddance, 

Anastasia Amelia Rinaldi 

--

89' 

"Yeah," Robert clutched his head with the hand that was holding his cigarette, "I'll get back to ou about that part of the script." he gave the producer a small smile, "I gotta head to my dressing room, the costume people want more measurements." 

He turned away and went back into the building, slowly going up the stairs and into the hallway until he stopped at his tracks. There was a muffled voice coming from one of the rooms. He couldn't quite put his finger on the voice. The muffled voice got louder as this time he could understand what it was trying to say. A muffled 'no' and a silent 'please' was enough for him to know who that voice belonged to. His eyes widened as he opened the door to reveal an almost half naked Ana cornered by her manager. The mans hand was over her mouth, her eyes glowing with salty tears and her hair tousled over her shoulder. Robert didn't waste any time as he jumped at the man and pulled him off of Ana. 

"What the-" the man hit the wall.

"What the fuck did you do to her!?" Robert cornered him this time pointing a finger almost into the man's eye.

"Nothing she didn't deserve." the man spat.

Robert's jaw clenched as he took one punch right into the man's jaw. The man hit the floor with a loud thud and Robert didn't stop kicking him until he finally felt him go unconscious. 

He looked back at Ana, she looked like she was in shell shock. Her skinny arms wrapped around her legs as she had her head rested on her knees, not daring to look up at Robert in embarrassment. 

"Ana," Robert sighed as he knelt down in front of the frail woman, "Ana look up at me." he slowly put his hand on her shoulder.

"I didn't do anything-I-" she hiccuped, her crying getting in the way of her ability to form sentences, "I tried to-" 

"Shhhh," Robert took her into his arms, "I know honey, its okay," he held her right as she clutched his waist for dear life, "It's okay." he kissed her head.

"You cant tell anyone about this." her voice, all of a sudden got serious, "Promise me, Robby," she looked up at him, her eyes as focused as pins, "No, one knows about this. We have to leave before he gets up."

"Ana, you cant be serious?" 

"I am, no one can know he's been doing this."

"Been? What are you saying-" he got up "How long has he been doing this?" 

"You don't need to know that."

"YES, I DO!" 

"We need to leave, he's gonna get up soon." she sniffed back her last tear and wiped her pale blue eyes and got up. "If this gets out to the press, no one will ever hire me. I'll only be known for this. No one will audition me. I'll be a joke."

"How did it start?" his voice was faint.

"Like it always does. Fake promises and threats." she put her sweatshirt back on.

"Does Slash know?"

"No! You cant tell him. He'll kill him. Oh my god," she ran a hand through her hair, "You cant tell Slash, you cant tell anyone. Okay?" her hands started to get fidgety as she grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the room and into the hallway. "For god's sake never bring it up to him." 

Robert stood silent. How did she want to stay silent about this? He couldn't understand why she wouldn't a guy like her manager. Why was she hiding it from her boyfriend? From everyone? Why in the fuck was she denying what was happening to her, what had been happening to her? 

"Robby," she took his face in her hands, her dilated pupils scanning his face, "Promise me." her nostrils flared, she was angry. Angry at herself mostly, angry that she had been keeping this in for so long and angry, now, that someone had found out what she had been going through. 

"Okay. I promise." he had no choice but to say those words.

"Good. Now forget this happened. Please." she touched his cheek once more, begging him to understand and cooperate with her. 

"Okay. What do we do when they find him in there?"

"Nothing. He won't say anything. I'll fire him, I promise. Just have your manager sign me or something." she laughed, how could she laugh at such a time like this? She sounded and looked bipolar. How could someone go from being in a situation like that and crying to all of a sudden laughing at herself, at her own situation?

"Okay?"

"I'm fine." she chuckled, "I've forgotten about it already." she smiled.