Lost Stars

Chapter Forty Eight

-Dick's POV-

I watched her form leave the space where her door had been. I was stuck in a continuous loop. Everything Athena said...everything I said...I couldn't get it out of my mind.

Everything would be different if you came and saved me!

If you came after me, you would've found the truth!

But you didn't. You never do.

Her honeyed voice was dripping with emotion. Her words were silvered and enchanting, each sound so painful to listen to. Listening to her made me realize what I had missed. I tugged at the ends of my hair.

That's not the fucking reason!

I pinched my eyes closed and screamed silently. It was like millions of wasps were buzzing around inside my head, embezzling their little stingers into my brain. I couldn't take it!

I couldn't take it anymore!

I was done feeling like I was in the dark on everything. I was done feeling like I was the punchline of a joke. I used to try to avoid letting her get to me, but I was pretending. While I still disagreed with Barbara, I had to admit to myself that I still cared about Athena fucking Thomas. I wish I didn't. I wish so bad that I could feel like she did. But I couldn't.

So, I needed to find out the truth. Maybe then I could forget how her eyes sparkled when she smiled or how she lit up when discussing her adoration of Wonder Woman. Maybe then I could truly move on. Like she had.

I surveyed the room. She always kept her room organized. And no one had ever visited it -- including me -- when she left. It definitely didn't help she was good at hiding things. If she didn't want something to be found, it wouldn't be. Unlike usual suspect's rooms, there were no obvious clues. No unorganized papers, no messy piles, no scattered objects. The evidence was just not there.

I walked over to her file cabinets. If she says I don't understand, then what am I missing? I continued to tear through drawers, boxes, and compartments. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I combed through everything in her safe house. My muscles started to tense as I got more and more frustration with my lack of progress.

I grabbed folders and files, reading through each word. All of them were just cases and information I had already knew about. I groaned loudly. "Ugh! There's nothing! What am I even doing here? I'm just playing her games! I'm done! I'm done with games! You hear that, Athena? Is Red Hood listening too? Are you two laughing it up? I'm done with your stupid fucking games!" I shouted out, staring up at the concrete ceiling.

I grabbed hold of the file cabinet and tore it out. With a hard kick, it skipped across the floor. Papers fluttered out and around the room like white butterflies. Still, nothing.

"Tricked again, Dick? I'm over here!" I imitated her voice in a nauseating way that used to make her laugh. It just brought me pain. I flipped her table over and shoved her dresser onto the floor.

A surge of adrenaline and pure satisfaction jolted through me. I let my hands take over. I ran through the room, flipping everything I could find. Clothes, papers, and miscellaneous belongings scattered the floor. I pulled books off shelves, ripped maps and charts off walls, and threw weapons across the room like frisbees.

This feels good, I thought, to destroy. To wreck. To get her back for destroying me.

I approached the corner where her bed used to be. I saw my own reflection in her mirror. What I saw was distorted. I saw myself, smiling, holding Athena in my arms. She ran her fingers through my hair and whispered truths into my ear. The sun warmed us both, shining our smiles and infusing us with carefree vibes.