Lost Stars

Chapter Fifty One

-Dick's POV-

I called Barbara. She picked up on the first ring, however, she was talking to someone in the background as she did. Finally turning her attention back to me, Barb favored me with a peppy sounding voice, "Hey Dick. What's up?"

I was half relieved and half disappointed that I didn't feel as bad as I thought I would. "Nothing much. Just seeing how you are," I said, playing with my badge. I had returned to my job. As expected, Amy awarded my absence with a boring traffic patrol job. 

"That's nice. I'm good. The Team is trying to get back on track and Kaldur wanted me to ask if you're interested," Barbara explained, getting straight to business. I chuckled. 

"I don't know. I'm kinda busy with the whole--"

"Red Hood thing," Barbara interrupted, "Yeah, I know."

I would've felt guilty for bringing up the exact thing we broke up over, but I actually laughed. Barbs did too. "I'm that predictable?"

"For sure." I could hear her smile. It made me joyous. That was the thing with Barbara and I. Every time we broke up, we would just revert to being the best friends we were before we got together. No matter how nasty the break was, we always found our way back to each other. It was the most constant thing in my life and I think we both appreciated that.

"I got two tickets for the next Rogues' game if you're interested," I asked.

Barbara said something to someone in the background. From what I could tell, the voice sounded like Luke Fox. We had broken up almost a week ago and Barbara hadn't gone off and dated him yet, but it was inevitable. The younger part of me was heartbroken over it, but the older part of me was yearning over someone else. 

"I'll be there," she typed something on her computer, "I'll catch you later, Dick."

"See ya, Babs." I clicked the phone off, feeling happier. Knowing that Barbara was content and not angry at me was doing wonders for relieving any left over pain I had over our break up. 

At the time, I had refused to believe what Barbara was telling me. I was sure that I was over Athena and that my obsession was just work related. The moment that I almost beat Red Hood to death was an eye opening moment for me. I knew deep inside me that I wasn't over her. And when Barb spoke my inner fears aloud, I plugged my ears and sang la la la. I stubbornly turned away from what I knew I needed to hear.

When I watched that video -- that landmark of a video -- I knew I no longer could deny myself the emotional honesty I was so accustomed to. All my life, I had been emotionally open. I put all my feelings out into the world and was very comfortable with them. Unlike other orphans like Bruce or Jason, I didn't close myself off when my parents' tragic deaths occurred. In fact, talking to Bruce and Alfred was what saved me. 

Finally understanding the truth behind Athena and I's tragedy was exactly what I needed. I had been telling myself that I didn't care for her because of the horrible thing she did. I couldn't love her because I hated her so much. But, when I saw that that whole heartbreak was a lie, I finally understood my own heart. I did care. And now I could openly see that. 

Since then, I had accepted that fact. I knew that Athena was in love with Jason now, the tortured orphan who I had known since we were both kids. Despite that knowledge, my heart still craved her. I didn't deny myself that love this time. I let it flow through me like venom. I had accepted my undying feelings for someone who had given up on me. Now I knew how Athena must've felt. Everyday, I wanted to beat myself senseless for causing her that kind of hurt. Past me was my worst enemy.

Last night, I had seen her. Her and Jason's connection was obvious and strong. Their brains seemed to be on the same plane, always thinking and doing the same thing. There was a time when we were like that.