Speak Up: (Chandler Riggs)

Chapter 9

~I feel myself becoming one with the darkness, cutting deeper and deeper as the days pass. I can feel myself letting go. Wanting to go. The pain is getting worse. It's unbearable. I'm becoming just another shadow, trailing behind people that don't want me there. Sometimes you can't see me, but I'll always be there.

My insecurities, my pain, my weaknesses, my loneliness, my everything.

Just remember, I'll always be there for you, I'll always want you by my side. I may be clingy, I may get attached, but that's because you're my everything. My world. You are the reason I get up every morning, and try to keep the razor out of my grasp. You are the reason I don't starve myself. You are the reason I have hope.

You are my everything. So thank you. Just please don't leave like everyone else. Please?~

I gazed at this boy's leg for a while. The slits, the scars, the scabs, worse than mine, even. And he's so open about it, just showing it off to people he doesn't even know like a trophy or something.

"How long have you been doing it?" He asked, rolling down his pant leg.

"Um..." I hesitate. "sixth, seventh grade maybe..."

"Bout the same time I started," he smiled.

Does he think this is a fucking joke?

"Is this a joke to you?" I glared at him.

"No. It's just I'm so used to it by now it's kinda become a way of life...for me," he flatly stated.

Why am I even telling this boy what I do to myself? I don't even know who the fuck he is!!

"How old are you?"

"16."

"Sophomore or junior?"

"Junior."

Same as me.

"Okay," I finish.

"Why?" He asks, puzzled.

"Because I'm telling you what I do to myself and I don't even know you. I wanted to kinda get the basic information down," I told him.

I don't make sense. I told Chandler everything...

"Ah."

"So...um...those guys, were saying something about your mom back there, and--"

"T-that's nothin," his voice cracking.

"Oh."

"Well what about you? How old are you? What grade are you in? What's wrong with your family?" He stiffened up.

"16, junior, and..." I stopped.

"...and that's none of your business..."

He looked down and began to fiddle with his fingers.

"Hey, ever hear of this kid Chandler?" I asked out of curiosity.

Sam's head shot up. "Chandler? Chandler Riggs?"

"Yeah." I guess that's his last name, I really don't know.

"Stay. Away. From. Him." He told me with the sternest look on his face.

"Why?" I asked. What's so bad about Chandler?

"He's a player. He's a jerk. He will hurt you. Just stay away from him, okay?" He said.

"Sure..." I sounded unsure.

"Listen, I've been caught up with that shit. It ain't pretty. Me and him, used to be the best of friends. He started hanging out with the populars, and just blew me the fuck off. Just, don't talk to him, okay?"