Speak Up: (Chandler Riggs)

Chapter 15

{Everything inside me, the pain, the darkness, the stress, the sorrow, is coming out. Like never before.

It's like I'm drowning in my own sadness. It's horrible.

It's worse now. I don't know how it could ever get any worse, but it did.

You hurt me. Your words hurt me.

I thought I meant something to you. I thought you cared. But instead, you broke me.

But really, this is my fault. I let myself believe I had someone. Obviously, that was a joke.

I don't know how much I can take this without falling again. Falling back into my old ways. Falling to my lowest point. Rock bottom.

I want to find a way, a good way, a successful way to stop everything.

I want to start over. I want my life to start over. I wish everything was so much easier than it has to be.

I want to scream as loud as I can, at the top of my lungs, until I'm out of breath, so everyone can hear me.

The sadness would scream louder, though. The sadness wins every fight.

The voices in my head, the ones that tell me I'm not worth it, I'm not good enough. The ones who tell me that I'm ugly and fat and stupid. Yeah, those voices would keep me from screaming.

I'm afraid. So afraid.

Afraid that nothing will get better.

I cry to myself to sleep every night thinking about what went wrong. What I did wrong.

I'm sorry.}

•••

Chandler's POV

What.The.Fuck.Is.Wrong.With.Me.

I don't know what got into me, but that was probably one of the worst things I could've said to her.

I could even hear her crying as I walked down the dark, quiet hallway.

I should go back and apologize...

I can't. It's too late for that now. What I said is out there.

I ran my fingers through my greasy, matted down hair.

Damn, I need a shower...

I entered the hospital lobby. I caught people staring at me.

Probly cuz I'm hot...

No. They were afraid of me, almost. They gave me dirty looks, all of them. Every single one of them.

Old people looked disgusted.

Adults looked ashamed.

Little kids looked terrified.

My tongue fiddled around with my cold lip ring.

I just kept walking. I tried my best to ignore them.

Fuckaaaaas....

I walked out to the parking lot and pulled out my phone and pulled up Hayes' number.

Hayes is my best friend. We've known each other for 3 years and he's always been there for me. He's always the DD at parties, hooks me up with girls, and in general, a good guy.

I pressed call.

After about 6 rings, he finally picked up.

"Hello?" A voice spoke from the other line, out of breath.