Little Girl Don't Grow Up Too Fast

*Not a Chapter*

I cannot begin to put into words how I am feeling about what happened almost two days ago. It's very unsettling and I almost feel selfish for feeling the way I do because so many people are suffering way more whether it be themselves who are the victims or their family and friends. I average going to probably 7 concerts a year, 90% of them country music, and those are the nights I look forward to most. Every one that I've gone to I have all of these fun, happy, and incredible memories that I will remember forever. 

To think that these memories that other people wanted to create as well turned into a living tragic nightmare for them makes me incredibly sick. Country music specifically is supposed to be an escape from what is going on in the world. That's exactly why those people were there in the first place. They wanted to escape, they wanted to not think about work or their home life or whatever, they just wanted to have fun. There were girls my age whose lives were taken so soon, and the incredibly selfish part of me fears "What if that was me?" and I lost sleep over that thought and the thought of those girls who were just like me and had the same love for music and wanted to create the same memories and lost their lives because of it.

I've seen a majority of the artists that performed that entire weekend and for those that are country music fans, you know that they mean so much more than just a voice that plays through your speakers. These are our people, these are the people we are inspired by, these are the people that even though we don't know them, we feel like they are a part of our family. Don't act like they mean anything less to you than that. I can't imagine the trauma that they are going through and the emotions that are flooding through. I laid in bed all night wide awake praying for the artists and their crews that were there, praying for any victim who suffered from the trauma or was injured or killed, praying for the families and friends, and praying for the people like me that weren't as connected as others, but are still just feeling an overwhelming feeling of these dark emotions.

Being fully honest, I am absolutely terrified to go to my next concert in a few weeks. I have nightmares thinking about how it could go. I used to never think twice about my safety at a concert, and now I fear my life, but I refuse to stop going. These artists haven't stopped, and they continue to use the power of music to heal, so I shouldn't either. No one should. For all of those who are scared to perform or to be in the crowd, it's okay. We all are and we understand. It's not going to be an easy thing for all of us to overcome, but as long as we lean on one another, we are going to get through this together because this is country music, and that is what we do.

I want to thank the Bobby Bones Show. If you haven't listened to them before or have never heard of them or have no idea what they are up to, now is the time to go to iHeartRadio or YouTube and see the healing that they are bringing to everyone. I definitely have not gotten over this situation, but they have definitely helped mend the wounds of victims or people that are just emotionally damaged from this. What they are doing is bringing comfort and honesty. They are not shying away from the emotions that they share with others, but they are spreading the message about how Love>Hate. This message needs to be spread everywhere because it is so powerful and it needs to be heard. They even have on their website that you can purchase a shirt with that on it and all of the money will go towards the Vegas victims if you are looking for a way to contribute and to just be there for this community.

Maren Morris also just released a song on YouTube called "Dear Hate." I was bawling listening. It will be available to purchase on Friday and every single cent made from it goes towards Vegas.   

I know this is really long and it isn't a chapter of the story and I'm not sure if anyone is even going to read this all the way through but I had to put this out there because I am just overwhelmed with what I am feeling about this situation and it's not something I can put into words vocally to my friends and to my family. Writing is therapeutic for me and I don't post majority of the things I write because they are just for myself, but this time I thought it should be published just in case there is that one person reading this who is going through the same thing and needs to feel like that they're not alone. If you are one of those, please message me because I need it too.

I have a new part ready to publish for this story. I'm just waiting for the right time. I have an idea for the next part but I do need some opinions and thoughts before putting it into words so feel free to message me about that as well.

Continue to pray, guys. The whole world needs it.