Beloved Nothingness

CO2 // the shoe box

It was my fault that the Mother's Day celebration was canceled.

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I just wanted to alert you of the situation. I'm Annabel Edwards's legal guardian and father. She brought home a paper yesterday about how your class was going to celebrate Mother's Day, and I thought it was necessary to touch base with you.

Anna's mother isn't living anymore, and her death was not an accident. I am sure I could send her aunt with her, but it seems cruel to make her celebrate mothers and all they do with her classmates after what happened to her own. This is not something easily substituted by another woman, no matter how much Anna may love her aunt.

She doesn't know details, as she is still so young. I wouldn't want this event to provoke her. That being said, I ask that she is allowed to either be picked up the day of, or sent to the library while the event is taking place. It is not my desire to alienate her even further, so hopefully, I will be able to keep her home this Friday. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you,

Jairus Fenman

"Annabel, sweetheart, can you stay here for a moment?" I was halfway through the door so I could go to recess and swing with my friends when Mrs. Jones stopped me on my way out. "I need to talk to you."

I was young enough then that those words didn't scare me. "Okay."

When I came closer to her, she fixed the bow in my hair for the first time that school year. "Honey," she hadn't ever called me anything but Anna, "did you know that your dad sent a note with your reading log?"

My chin moved up and down a little bit. I had turned it in to her, hadn't I? "Yes, ma'am."

Her lips disappeared into a thin line, and she couldn't quite meet my eye, even though her hands squeezed mine. "What do you think about watching a movie and making crafts Friday instead of having the moms come in? Maybe your dad can help you make some cookies for the class. Wouldn't that be nice?"

I already asked my Aunt Lena to come in with me, and she said she would buy me a new dress for the occasion. "Why?"

"I just...didn't double check that every student had a mother to come with them to our lunch," she replied, teeth ground together as she spoke. "I think it would be more fun to just do something as the class."

I nodded again, but didn't understand what she wanted me to say about this. Why was I the only one asked about our change of plans for Friday? I already had my Aunt Lena. "So we're just supposed to tell them that they can't come to school now? Why?"

"I just think it would be more fun," she repeated, words hasty and hands hot against mine. "Some mommies can't take off work or have to stay home with younger siblings. It would just be easier to just celebrate with the class. Did you ask someone to come in for you?"

I wanted her to stop holding me, for her sticky hands to go touch someone else and ask them to make the decision for the whole class. "My Aunt Lena," I whispered. "She's really nice, I promise. She won't hurt anybody. Is she not allowed because she's my aunt? She likes books and she has a yellow house," I explained hastily, as if giving her details about Aunt Lena would stop it. "She's not my mom but she won't hurt anything."

"Did you know your mom?" She then asked. I hated how quiet her voice was, how wide her eyes were.

I gave the answer I always gave when adults asked that question. "She passed away when I was a baby."