Me

Tumblr rant from the end of last school year

(I started off writing this as a YouTube comment but I didn't think it would be allowed on YouTube or that they would understand like you guys might so I'm posting it here instead) (the video it was to was Shane Dawson's video "Are we a simulation - conspiracy theory")

and now my existential crisis intensified. Thanks me for watching this video. I already feel sick from inhaling a lot of sharpie fumes, I have an eog tomorrow and I can't sleep nevermind I already had an existential crisis before this video but now I sound like a whiney bitch since I ranted to YouTube instead of talking to tow people I know irl even though I would never actually say anything to them about any of this because they would tell me I can't have problems if they don't validate my problem for me. And yes I do get that I'm more fortunate than some others but I'm still a human who has problems just like anyone else and sometimes I just need someone to rant to that doesn't know me and probably won't even read this because of how long and stupid it is but sometimes I just need to let everything out before I implode. I can only handle so much before I just bust out crying for no reason in the middle of class on the easiest question that could be asked for me to answer and I don't want to do that because I don't deserve to be sad or depressed or whatever this feeling is and I just feel so ungrateful and I don't know what to do because I have everything I could ask for besides space and an understanding family but it doesn't seem to be enough even though it should be more than enough and I know that I couldn't ask for anything better but I just feel so empty and cold and alone even though I have so many people who say I could talk to them but they never listen when I talk now so why would that listen if I talked to them about this? I just don't know what to do and I'm just so lost. how do people expect me to live if I can't even watch a YouTube video without breaking down. I'm sorry I can't be the happy person who knows what they want to do, or the pretty daughter, or the athletic one, or the perfect little girl you wanted. I'm just me, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about how much of a disappointment I turned out to be.

That's the end of my pointless rant about my petty feelings that I'll never share with people outside Tumblr.