Me

today sucks

Ok so I'm gonna start at the beginning. I've been thinking for a while about breaking up with my boyfriend but I had no idea how I was gonna do it, but I didn't have to because he thought we were better off as friends and broke up with me. So that was the good part. The bad part was that I had a mental breakdown, where I started shaking and couldn't think, couldn't function, I forgot how to breathe for a bit, felt like crying but didn't because I haven't cried in years and every time I think I will I end up suppressing it. I started squeezing my friend's wrist, so hard it bruised it, until I could think again and realized that it was probably hurting her, in the middle of ela class for a reason I don't know. My friends asked me why and I said existence because I had no idea, I still don't, and I have been having an existential crisis for days at a time, and feel so numb I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling. I have no idea if I even have a real identity or if I made it up to fit into a group that closest fits me. I'm not a stereotypical emo but, those are pretty inaccurate anyways, and pretty much all emos can fit into four subcategories depending on what they like, most falling into 2 or more, and I fall into pretty much all of them. Then there was the substitute. He was an asshole. We couldn't talk. We couldn't get an answer wrong when he looked over our worksheet or he would think we were the stupidest person on the planet. If someone coughed he would say no talking and if someone tried getting up for any reason at all, chewed gum, or anything he sent you out of the room, which no one in my class was but my friend in the other class said it happened. I'm learning sign language because it seems interesting and I signed "fuck you" and "bitch" to the teacher and he had no idea what I said so I didn't get in trouble but I asked multiple of my friends if I could kill him, or myself, right then. Then I had an essay I had to do when I got home and I just feel so fucked up right now and I already didn't feel good, for no reason, and I have to take a benchmark tomorrow, a science test tomorrow, an Ela test tomorrow, and I have to make up a test I missed last week sometime this week or it'll be counted as a 0 in the grade book and I've already gotten a 30 (if that) on a quiz and another one that's a 70.

So basically, in summary, in chronological order, I realized I'm probably failing social studies, I had a mental breakdown in ela, a horrible sub for math, the best part of the day was my (now ex) boyfriend breaking up with me so I didn't have to break up with him, and I have to take 3 tests tomorrow and still have to make up a test that's, I think, 40% of my grade.

That's great. Just great