Me

Tired

(so was my first original post on Tumblr so here it is)

There’s this girl I know. She doesn’t even have to be alone. She just has to be able to hear the deafening silence or the subtle sounds of the nothing that matters and then you might be able to hear her silent screams… The thing is… No one heard her screams. No one asks what’s wrong. When she says she’s ok they don’t question it. They don’t see the look in her eyes begging for help. And they don’t know she’s depressed. Because she lied. She always lies. She lies when they tested her for depression a few months ago because she knew they would treat her like a phyco. She knew they would whisper about her to everyone they could and tell everyone who doesn’t need to know. And she knows that maybe if she didn’t lie about it then they still wouldn’t have believed her. They would ignore it because they wouldn’t be able to accept that their daughter, their friend and their sister that gets all a’s and b’s and can laugh with her friends sometimes  and listens to music and draws can be so depressed, but what they don’t know is that she gets good grades to distract her from reality and that her friends can only make her laugh so much until the laughs become fake and the smiles forced. She listens to music to drown out her thoughts and she might draw but you haven’t seen the private parts of her sketchbook. They can’t see that what’ going on in her head is killing her. Very, very, slowly. They can’t see how tired she is. Tired of being perfect. Tired of the lying. Tired of the excuses. Tired of keeping everything in. That girl is tired. And I would know. Because that girl is me, and I’m very tired.