Me

I have no idea who I am

Who am I? I have my side of the story, a depressing, pessimistic, ugly, fat, emotionally detached, unempathetic, pathetic, emo girl who feels so numb at times while at others I drown in the emotions, but through it all I keep a straight face. I have a cat named Ozzy and an annoying older sister who I wish I could be, friends who I don't even know if they like me for me or my brains and smartass comebacks anymore and all of them think I've perfectly fine. But what am I like from their point of view? What am I like to a stranger or one of the random kids on my bus? How many people have ever seen me in a crowd of people and had a random thought about me for no reason? Not because they knew me, but because I caught their eye some how. Maybe I was wearing an ugly shirt or they liked some band merchandise I was wearing or I reminded them of a kid they knew, but not because they knew me. I want to see myself how someone else sees me, if just for a minute. I want to be able to look through their eyes and know what they were thinking, but at the same time I don't want to know. I guess it's kind of how I want other people to get me but I don't want them to know the real me. No one who knows me will ever read this so I don't need to worry though. No one has to know.