Me

I'm fine

My eyes hurt
But I haven't shed any tears
You ignore me
And expect me not to care
I act like it doesn't bother me
But it shows how much I mean to you
I try to stop myself
But I never can
I crave you
I miss you all the time
You're so far away
But even if you had the chance
I don't know if you'd take it
I wish I could know for sure
But I make myself think i don't need you
Just for a second
I know it's a lie
I want you with me
But at the same time I don't
You wouldn't like what you'd see
So I'd want you away
But I imagine you'd be okay
And it wouldn't matter
Reality sets in
And my world all crumbles
And every time
I lose a piece of me
And I search for it
But I don't know what it is
I'm fine
Really
I'm fine
It's okay
My world just falls apart from time to time
There's no harm right?
You can't lose a piece of yourself you didn't know existed
I'm fine
No I'm not
But I am
I guess I don't know what I am from time to time
Can you blame me
You really should
I feel my walls crashing down as I build them up and it all hurts
But no it doesn't
It's a numbness screaming in my veins
And in my head
And in my heart
And I've gone deaf
But no I haven't
Because I've been hearing all my thoughts
They won't shut up
And I want it all to end
Maybe if I hurt myself they'll stop
But no you can't
Cause that'll show
And everyone will freak out
And you'll be more caged up than you already are
And that'd be hell
Locked up with white walls
With white padding
And white floors
And a white cot
With white sheets
And white clothes
And nothing to do
And no one else
Nothing to distract you from your thoughts
So you keep diving into your black abyss
You didn't think you'd ever end up like this
But you did
And now you have to pay for it
There's no one here to save you
There's no saviors here
You can't even save yourself
And now you think the things
You don't wanna think
Trying to face the things
You know you can't be saved
Just give up
No luck
You keep trying to face them
And you fall down the rabbit hole every time
But you're fine
Really
You're fine
Your mind is just crumbling from time to time
But I don't know
I guess your sanity just had to go
It won't be back
But maybe it will
I don't know
Who knows
Sure not me
I can't even be who I wanna be
So who knows
Maybe I'll find some sense
Jump the fence
From life to death
Probably not
Cause I'm too afraid to hurt them
But who says they care
I don't know
Maybe they'll just say
It was fair
I couldn't tell them who I really was
I cut my hair
They didn't know
But I was trying to be me
It didn't work
I still couldn't come out to them
I dyed it too
And now it's blue
But I don't think I'm coming out soon
Or I'll be sleeping under the moon
This is shit
It's too long
It's not a song
It changed like halfway through
What the fuck
But I'm fine
I swear I'm fine
This whole thing crumbles apart from time to time