Batjokes You Complete Me

Chapter Fifteen

Normal POV

It was early the next morning, and since Bruce was taking the week off from being Batman like he promised the Joker he was actually able to get a full good night's sleep. Lucy had just left to school with Dick and the manor seemed mostly quiet. Bruce decided to take a shower in the main bathroom while Joker and Alfred were downstairs.

Bruce was washing his body when suddenly he heard the bathroom door bust open and the shower curtain forcefully pulled open.

"Bats!! Are we... You can stop looking like this is the movie Psycho, It's just me. But ARE WE ALL OUT OF DORITOS??" Joker asked irritably.

Bruce dropped the soap he was holding to cover himself, "Joker! I am in the shower! Just go out and buy more! I'm naked and now the floor is getting wet!"

"Oh please bats, like you really need to cover yourself. I've seen your thing about a million times. There is no sexual mystery between us anymore." Joker replied.

Bruce groaned and rolled his eyes, "Fine. I'll get out and write a shopping list for Alfred, which might I add, you could easily do yourself."

"Or..." Joker thought of an idea he liked better, "You could stay in the shower and bend over to pick up that soap you dropped so I can look at that fine bat-ass of yours?"

"Are the Doritos you were just yelling about not as important anymore?" Bruce teased.

"Not when I have a hot ass billionaire boyfriend who's wet and naked right in front of me." Joker smiled.

"You expect shower sex now don't you?" Bruce smirked.

"Then afterwards Doritos!! I'm horny and hungry haha." Joker said right before ripping his clothes off and stepping in.

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*Later that day*

Joker was sitting on the couch in the living room watching the huge flat screen tv. Alfred had gone to the store since Joker requested more junk food than a baby elephant could eat. Bruce was just trying to keep himself occupied until Lucy got back home. Since Bruce was usually gone all the time he wasn't sure how to keep himself entertained being around the manor.

Bruce walked up to Joker and sat next to him as he watched tv, "So.. You watch daytime television all day everyday?..."

"Well when you have nothing else to do with your life anymore you just deal with what you got. Usually I drink a bottle of wine while I watch, but I figured you'd get mad with me digging in your expensive wine cellar." Joker said while intently watching Ellen DeGeneres.

"If you want wine I'll buy you your own just don't be down in my wine cellar all the time. That wine is meant for special occasions," Bruce started watching some of what Joker was watching, "So she's clearly a lesbian."

"Yeah... I wish I was Ellen..." Joker confessed.

"You want to be a lesbian?" Bruce asked raising and eyebrow.

"What? No. I want to have my own talk show like hers except at the end of every show I'd break a mug and slit the guest's throat with it. Haha." Joker laughed.

"If you did that then nobody would every want to be apart of your show." Bruce stated.

"That's why every week I'd just kidnap some random celebrity and force them on against their will, then when I'm done with the interview just kill them. Most of these people's fame end up going down the toilet anyway. I'm just doing them a favor haha."

"...You need therapy..."

"I need Taylor Swift to get a knife in her chest so I don't have to keep hearing about her dumb ex boyfriends all the time."

A few minutes later Lucy came walking in from school and ran over to hug Bruce hello, "Dad, today was so much better."

"I'm glad to hear that princess." Bruce kissed her forehead.

Lucy looked over at the tv seeing that Joker was watching Ellen again, "Oh cool, this is one of daddy J's favorite talk shows," she turned to look at Bruce, "Did he tell you about how he wanted to be Ellen and kill Taylor Swift?"

"Unfortunately yes," Bruce looked over at Joker while also covering Lucy's ears, "It'd be much appreciated if you stopped telling our daughter about your psychopathic thoughts. Okay?"

"Sometimes I just don't have a filter." Joker said nonchalantly sipping from a coffee mug.