Interrupted Heart

10 | NUMBER 2

This couldn't be happening.

It wasn't the right time.

I needed to be stable.

Everyone around me needed to be stable.

"You don't look too good. You've put on weight." Shae said from the opposite side of his dining table. He was munching away on a plate of Chinese takeaway. As much as sweet and sour chicken was one of my favourite dishes, I couldn't stand the sight or aroma of it right now.

Shae didn't look too delighted to see me although he was the one who demanded my presence early this morning. To say I was confused was a complete understatement. Just like numerous times before, I wasn't greeted with a hug or kiss.

After my doctor's appointment a few days ago, I had actually prayed that I wouldn't see Shae for a while. I needed to think and be certain of how to tell him of what I had found out about myself. No one knew of my news except from myself and I did wonder whether Tyson had been snooping in my bag and delivered the news to Shae on my behalf. Eventually, I came to my senses and knew that after his small episode he wouldn't want to get involved in anything to do with my relationship.

"There's a reason for that." He looked up at me, his jaw moving repeatedly. His eyes didn't show concern or even love. They were two emotionless orbs. I couldn't pinpoint why he was like this.

I'd never known much about his past. He'd never spoken about his parents or any of his family and I was respectful enough to wait until he was ready to be more open.

Right from the beginning I had given him nothing but love and support. My future was all about him and I knew that I was the perfect girlfriend; up until recently. I wasn't stupid to think that my few minutes of madness with my best friend was the cause of the deterioration of our relationship.

The majority of the world had issues and problems. That didn't give anyone the right to take their frustrations out on anybody. Physically or emotionally.

I put up with his antics because I knew there was something deep down that he was hiding. I just wanted to wait it out for as long as possible, otherwise, all of my tears and fight would have been for nothing.

"I'm pregnant."

On the night of the day which I had found out, I had sat on my bathroom floor for hours looking at the many pregnancy tests scattered on the floor. I refused to believe that I would be banded for life to a man who I still hadn't realised that he was in a relationship. A man that hadn't opened up to me as much as I had to him. I wanted us to be in the best space possible. I had gone to sleep that night hoping that it was all a dream.

When was I going to realise that nothing went my way? All of the praying and hoping that I had been doing was a waste of time. I didn't know what the Lord above had planned for me. I just hoped that my chance of a break would come sooner than later.

According to the doctor, I was around four months along. I had spent a while making sure that she was 100% certain before leaving the medical centre. Afterwards, I made the journey to the hospital because I wanted to see the baby for myself. I had lied by telling the A&E that I was bleeding.

My baby, 5.5 inches long and with a heartbeat of 151 beats per minute, was for sure growing inside of me.

The last time that I had sex with Shae was on Valentine's Day and it was far from a romantic conception. Another moment that I was attempting to forget that was added to my already long list. I could hardly recite that night to my girl friends and smile, visualising how amazing it was.

All of those months had passed with my menstrual cycle still arriving. Although my flow was light, it was still enough indication for me that mother nature was undergoing her job correctly. If my life wasn't a fast-paced, emotional roller coaster, I definitely would have been more aware of the small changes in my body.