Interrupted Heart

31 | ANSWERS

The last time that I'd ran, I was 15 in high school during a Physical Education lesson. I recall after that time myself and a few friends refused to run due to the heat and lack of water. I didn't need to build up my stamina or strength. I'm sure if I was being chased by a murderer my adrenaline would kick in and I'd be gone like The Flash.

After 8 years that's what I did.

As if that would create an interruption in time and lubricating my muscles would allow me to rewrite history or forget certain things.

If anyone called me back, I didn't hear. I didn't want to hear anything. Enough was said to last the rest of my life.

The feeling of betrayal was prominent and my trust levels for just about anyone was in the minuses. The last few people who I had learned to be open with and love weren't who I thought they were. It was scary to know now that I was still being lied to at my big age.

Gina had turned into the Mum that I wished that I had to my real, blood Mum who had lied to me for 23 years. It seemed as is she only allowed me into her home due to her being overridden with guilt for giving me to someone else. It was her way of battling her demons and clearing her conscience. She had me around her family; if they were even really her family. Did they know who I really was? If they did, this whole situation is more fucked up than I thought. This was the kind of story you'd expect from a comedy show like Jane the Virgin. I felt as though we were the actors and the viewers were waiting for us to find out what they already had seen 3 episodes prior; dramatic irony.

What I was waiting for to happen was for me to discover my real dad was a famous actor who had no idea that I even existed.

If that's the case, he'd better be handsome.

I guess that was one thing to be positive about. The man that I thought was my Dad made sure that I knew he didn't give a rat's ass about me. It explained why my name wasn't on the house that he'd left behind. I was the innocent party but he made it crystal clear that Tyson was his only responsibility. His openly left clues always putting Tyson above myself. I understand that he was only trying to protect and help out his son but it was also a dick move. It wasn't my fault. Making me feel unwanted knowing that your wife, the woman that took me in, would eventually be the cold hearted bitch that she was to you, to me.

There was quite a large possibility that I'd experience real fatherly love in the near future. That was the only thing that I could look forward to.

My thoughts couldn't remain positive as my 'stand in' mother lingered on my brain. Anyone that could hear that a child was repeatedly raped by a man that they shared a bed with and be nonchalant about it wasn't human. Even watching the news or reading stories about people being abused in that manner made me sick. The closer the person was to you, the more need for vengeance would fuel your body. I know for a fact one man leaving you wouldn't automatically erase all traces of human emotion or sympathy from your existence.

Something must have happened previously to Justine although nothing that I could think of could justify her disconnect form the situation. I would have thought if people experienced certain traumatic events in their life, they would want to make sure no one would feel as low as they did. However, every person reacts to things differently. Even finding out that her own son, her own flesh and blood, was unjustifiably physically abused and threatened should have had her swinging at Richard; cancer in his body or not.

Some people aren't meant to be parents.

Justine was a prime example of that.

Never even attended an awards ceremony at school.