Lost in Oblivion

Another Beginning?

Wow. I never thought I'd hear those words come out of his mouth. What could this mean? Was David going to leave Marcy? Were we finally going to be together?

No.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no. Neither one of those things were going to happen.

I'm still not quite sure why but I can tell you the how.

Lee and Jen were perfect together. They fit together like two halves of the same person. He was everything she ever needed and she was everything he didn't know he was looking for.

To be honest, it got quite sickening at times. There were times I'd hide in the dark corner of Jen's brain and just wait for my time with David.

Even though they loved each other, it got too much for me to bear at times.

My time with David was glorious. I'd wait all day for his phone call. Just waiting to hear his voice. Wanting him to tell me to come over. Or just to listen to him talk about his day.

I envied Jen at times, but at the same time what me and David had was real and how could I not love something so real?

Until the day my world fell apart.

David had been a little distant. But that was nothing new. If he had a problem or something was on his mind, he'd take his time and think it over. He hates thinking he needed someone to take care of things for him.

So I blew it off and kept acting like nothing was going on. And then the call came.

I should have known something was wrong when I answered the phone and all he said was "Hey." But I thought it was just one of his moods. So I asked him about his day and told him about mine. Completely oblivious to the wreckage that was about to happen.

He finally said "Jess, I have something I need to ask you."

Immediately I replied "Anything."

He said "Do you love me?"

Shocked, I replied "Of course I do."

He replies "I need you to let me go."

"What??"

"Jess, I'm in love with you. I didn't mean to fall in love with you or even think it would go this far. I met you and had a good time and fell for you. You're everything I could need. But Marcy wants to get married. And I've been with her too long. I can't break this commitment to her. I can't marry Marcy and still be with you. It wouldn't be fair to either of you. So I need you to let me go. You need to move on and find someone like David that will be there for only you and not have to split his time. You deserve better than what I can give you. Please, Jess."

I couldn't even talk. My head was reeling. Jen was listening and she was cussing him. I had all these thoughts in my head between me and Jen and couldn't even differentiate between who was thinking what.

I finally found enough courage to whisper "How?"

David says "I don't know how Jess. I don't  know how I'm going to get over you either. Every time I look at Marcy I think of you. It tears me up inside. It's going to take time but I think you'll be okay. Someone will love you like you deserve to be loved and you'll forget about me."

I quietly say "I love you David. I have no idea how I'm going to forget you. You are the only thing I want. The only love I need. But I understand it was always going to be Marcy. She has some kind of bond with you I knew would never break. I'm not even sure why I let it go this far either. We were doomed from the start. I'm sorry I caused you so much turmoil."

He answered "Please don't apologize Jess. You did nothing wrong. I just can't do this to you. I'm going to marry Marcy. And you're going to forget about me. And life will go on. There's just one thing I want you to know. I did love you Jess. I loved you liked you've never known. I've never loved anyone quite like you. So don't think you were just a fling. You were much more than that. We just weren't meant to be together."

Crying, I said "I love you David. I love you more than I've ever loved anything. But I want you to promise me something. Promise me you'll marry Marcy and never think of me again. Don't wander how I am, don't remember our time together. Give yourself to Marcy and pretend I never existed."

David laughs "You know I can't do that Jess. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I can't believe I'm giving you up. Maybe if I was a better man I could explain to Marcy how I feel and make things right with you. But I'm not. And  I've made her promises I can't break. So this is it Jess. I'm going to miss you."

"Im going to miss you too David. I'll never forget you. Have a good life and make Marcy the happiest girl in the world. Love you."

"Love you Jess."

I hid after that. Jen was cussing him and ranting and raving. She couldn't believe he could just walk away like that. How dare he break my heart and not even do it in person.

I loved him for just calling. That way he didn't see the tears or devastation. He didn't get the power of watching me fall apart. And I was glad for that. Thankful even.

But Jen was pissed. She tried to cheer me up. We stayed home. Just us, no Lee. Eating junk food and watching movies.

While she was at work, she'd play the happy music and try to entertain me. She'd even make up stories about the people we saw. Pretending we were psychic and could tell people's futures.

She didn't let me slip into that dark abyss that was so tempting. She kept me up. Because she might have lost me if she hadn't.

She didn't need me. She was fine on her own. She had David. She had her job and her life. And I felt like a parasite. Like a demon living inside her. Feeding off of  her happiness. And that made it worse.

She let me know she needed me. And had I known what was going to happen next, I wouldn't have made her work so hard at keeping me from slipping away. Because she was going to need me too.

Neither of us could have guessed at just how much.