Lost in Oblivion

Desperation

Jen and Lee were as sickening as ever. He would call and text her all the time. Sometimes to see what she was doing, other times to ask her opinion.

She would smile and laugh at his stupid jokes. And he never made her feel goofy or self conscious. In a way, they were the couple everyone wanted to be.

Except for the fact that I was living in her head. Which didn't seem to bother either of them. They had grown quite used to me.  And I had come to adore them.

The way Lee had doted on Jen was amazing. He was perfect for her. Everyrhing I could hope she would find. Or so I thought.

It happened on a bad week. Jen was working like crazy, not getting enough sleep. Barely even eating. She was tired and worn out.

Lee had been frustrated too. His job was just as bad. He had his own frustrations to deal with. Which I thought I understood. But I guess you can never know how truly wrong you are.

Jen had been talking on the phone and texting Lee for over a week without seeing him face to face. She blamed the job and was sympathetic and understanding.

That's how Jen is though. She'll die inside before she'll let anyone know that something is wrong.

She blames herself. She always thinks she is too needy or pushy when she asks for help or something that she wants. I've tried to change her but to no avail.

So I watched what was going on. Kept my mouth shut. Waiting for the right time. But even I couldn't have guessed at what was coming.

I never did get my chance to ask Jen. Because that night, all hell broke loose. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Lee was working a 12 hour shift and was randomly texting. Talking about how bored and tired he was. But he didn't seem to be himself. Something seemed off. Jen kept trying to cheer him up.

Lee got off at 11pm. Jen was in bed and had already told him goodnight. Everything should have been quiet.

Around 3am we wake up to a very loud pounding on our door. Of course it freaks us out. No one ever comes over unannounced, much less at the 3 in the freaking morning.

Jen tumbles out of bed to go see who it is, blindly reaching for her glasses. Shuffling to the door, she's cursing under her breath. It better be important.

She looks out the peep hole and there stands Lee. He's got a desperate look in his eyes and she can't open the door fast enough.

Lee pushes in past Jen and rams the door shut and locks it. He looks in Jen's eyes and seems to soften. Rather, he melted. He lost his desperation. Like she was a long needed drink in the middle of thousand mile desert.

He kisses her passionately. Like he's never kissed her before. As if his whole life hinges on the meeting of their lips. Like he'll die if he doesn't have her now.

They part and she's breathless. Barely able to stand. She keeps searching for words and can't find any that even come close to what she wants to say.

Lee comes closer to her again. Looking her in the eyes, he takes her face in his hands and just holds her. Like he's memorizing every detail of her.

She places her hands over his, moving them gently until she's kissing his palms. Softly. As if she can feel the deep void somewhere inside him and she's trying to kiss it back together.

She has no idea what's wrong, just the gut instinct that if she doesn't fix it, she'll lose him. Forever.

He softly whispers her name. She looks in his eyes. And in that moment its like the earth fell apart. As if everything fell down around them. Nothing mattered except the fact that he was holding her.

He hugged her tight. Inhaling the scent of her perfume. Softly caressing her back. She wraps her arms around his neck, scared of ever letting go.

He gently kisses her neck, leaving a white hot trail. Her body reacting to every breath. Her breathing coming quickly. Her pulse racing.

She looks him in the eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Abby's back."

She pushed him away. The hurt spreading like a bolt of lightning throughout her body. She's screaming at me inside her head yet no words are coming out of her mouth.

I can feel her tears stafting to well up inside her. They feel like acid eating away at her soul. Each one a memory. Each one a killer.

Finally she speaks.

"What does that mean?"

Lee hangs his head and reaches for her. Grabbing her arms, he pulls her to him. Softly caressing her hair. She sees a tear silently slide down his cheek.

"She's pregnant."

Inside of Jen I feel a massive sinkhole open. Her last defense going up like a wall and then crumbling feebly. Her very center shaken.

I feel her draw every ounce of courage inside her, calming her thoughts enough to be coherent. She's drawing energy from everything she has, to say the  words she needs to say. 

"But I love you."

No. She screams to herself. She can't say that. She can't let him win. She has to be strong. She has to be the perfect angel everyone has come to know and love.

So instead, she says

"I understand."

Those two words tore her apart. I could feel the deep abyss open inside. Everything she's drawn from is depleted. She's losing herself and it's up to me to stop it.

"Take care of Abby. Take care of your child. Give them everything they need or want. Be a good man. And just forget I was even here."

Lee is taken back. "Jen, I'm in love with you. We were going to get married. I was going to be your forever. You were perfect for me. But I can't walk away from this. I know you're just saying these things. I'll never forget you. And I'm so sorry I hurt you. Please Jen I hope someday you'll forgive me."

He leans in to kiss her goodbye, but she really isn't there. There's a silence. A creepy, alone kind of silence I've never experienced before. I don't like it.

I watch Lee leave and I begin to scream for Jen. But she doesn't answer. He's broken her. I'm scared, beyond repair.

Jen?