Lights (2019)

Fine Lines

I don't feel myself.

That is the first thing I notice when I wake up the next morning. My head is pounding like someone has a jack-hammer behind my eyes. I immediately go to the bathroom and pop some Advil before I shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed. I am wringing my hair out with a towel as I jog down the stairs and waltz into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Blair," Jay greets me from the kitchen table. She wears her robe wrapped tightly around her and holds a mug of coffee in one hand, the newspaper in the other.

"Morning," I say, shooting her a tight smile.

"How was your night?"

"Fine," I answer, pouring myself a glass of orange juice. I grab a bowl from the cabinet and pour myself some milk and cereal. I gather my breakfast and join Jay at the table.

"Your father told me you went to a pool competition. How did you do?"

I can't help but tell her about my winning shot as I smile triumphantly. She gives me a high-five, before leaning back into her chair. I dig into my bowl of Cocoa Pebbles. I like chocolate milk--especially when it is turned that way from chocolate cereal. So you can bet your ass, that I am going to be drinking out of this bowl once the cereal is gone.

"That's lovely!" She exclaims. "I keep telling your father how we should get a pool table and teach the girls to play."

I nod. "That would be great."

Jay smiles from ear to ear. She puts down her newspaper as she gets up to refill her mug. I quietly eat my cereal. I am exhausted. I just woke up, but all I want to do is go back to the crevices of hell-- I mean my bed, and go back to sleep.

"Blair, listen," she says, setting her cup down. Her back is still turned to me, so I can't see her face. "You know your father has been working very hard to mend your relationship."

She turned to see my expression. I nod slowly. Where is she going with this?

"I know he isn't the easiest to live with, but thank you for giving him a chance," she tells me, tears are in her eyes. I am not sure why entirely. "I am very proud of the both of you."

"Thank you, Jay," I tell her.

"Connor had to go into work for a bit, but he wanted me to ask if it was all right for the two of you to go on a holiday for a few days this week...just the two of you, up to the lake." I look at her skeptically. She sips on her coffee.

"I will have to look at my work schedule."

A smile spreads across her face once more, "Good."

I nod, continuing to eat my cereal.

"Blair?"

"Yes?"

"I know it's not my place to say anything, but...I do think it will be good for the both of you. You deserve some one on one time." She smiles kindly at me before exiting the kitchen.

A holiday? At the lake? We used to go there before mother died. I swallow hard. My father had gone up a few times in the past few years--biannual fishing trips or something. I push my cereal around in my bowl--suddenly feeling sick. I don't know whether it was anxiety or I was getting sick, but I definitely feel like I want to vomit. I pull out my phone and scroll through my calendar, making sure my days were clear.

"Jay," I call, as get up and rinse my bowl out in the sink, "Tell my dad that...I'll go."

Jay smiles widely. "I'll tell him," she says. "You'd better get packing. He wanted to leave this evening."