Lights (2019)

Safe and Sound

{I CANT SMUT! IM SORRY!}

Oh God.

Is the only thought that goes through my mind for so many different reasons. One of which being that Harry is making me feel things that I don't know how to handle. Another being that I am so incredibly nervous that I will do something stupid to mess up this moment. The first intimate experience in my life--aside from Chase Davis trying to grope my boob in middle school-- and I am over thinking it. I don't think Harry is nervous--why would he be nervous? He has probably done this more times than I can count, so why is he acting so hesitant? Were the other girls as awkward as I feel right now? Was I anything in comparison? His fingertips brush my inner thigh and a tingling sensation takes shape deep inside of me. Is it normal to go this slow? Is he second guessing this idea? My heart is beating so fast that it feels like a runaway train in my chest. I am surprised that Harry hadn't taken notice of the sound of it.

I am rambling.

I ramble when I am nervous.

"Harry?" I ask rather urgently. He stops his motions and looks at me. I sit up on the desk, and he remains kneeling. I rest my hands on his shoulders and he keeps his hands resting on my thighs. His green eyes are bright as they gaze up at me. I am trying to remain calm, but the idea or anyone touching me like that--Harry touching me like that takes the air out of my lungs.

"Are you all right?" I bury my face in my hands in embarrassment. He leans back on his heels and takes hold of my wrists prying my hands away from face. I feel like crying, what is wrong with me? I am ruining everything. This is worse than when we made out in the car and I hit the horn and made the windows go down. Why can't I get out of my own head?

Harry tries to catch my eye, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I don't know," I breathe. "I don't know what I'm doing, and you do and you probably think this is stupid of me or something. The idea of you touching me--Oh God, you have no idea--"

"Blair, baby, calm down," he coos softly. He takes my face in his hands and forces me to look in his eyes. "It is okay to be nervous."

"I feel so stupid," I ramble. "I don't know how to turn off my brain and you're sitting there looking like that and, oh God, you make me want so many things. But what if I'm not good at it? What if I'm not as good as the others--"

"Blair," he whispers. "Stop thinking so hard."

"I'm sorry! I'm ruining this moment--"

"Baby, we don't have to do anything, it is okay."

"Do you not want to?" I panic.

"What? No. I want to, I mean I really want to, but I don't want you regretting it." He tells me.

I bury my head in his neck. "I'm sorry, I--"

"Hey, it is all right," he whispers. He strokes my hair and hugs me. He pulls me from the desk to the floor. We kneel in front of each other and he holds me there. His nose nudges at mine and he kisses my forehead. I try and gain some composure. His hands rest on my waist, his fingers drawing soft circles. He kisses the corner of my mouth before placing a sweet soft kiss on my lips. It is slow and soft and comforting. He hugs me tighter and I hesitantly open myself to him once more. I feel his tongue trace my lower lip with earns a soft moan from me. It is just Harry; just me and Harry; and there is nothing more right than that. I trace the tattoos on his bare chest, the intricate lines and patterns. I somehow end up laying on the floor with Harry above me. He pulls away and looks at me. I breathe in deeply with contentment, I feel so safe. So incredibly safe.