Lights (2019)

Prying Eyes

I let out a shaky breath as I move away from Harry. Everything was becoming too much, the lights, the sounds, the confusion that surrounded Harry. It is so loud inside my head, thoughts rush and blend together. I push past sweaty people trying to get to the door. I need fresh air. I left Harry staring dumfounded into the sea of people.

"Blair," someone calls behind me. I nearly had a clean get away, but I had to stop about six feet from the door. I turn to see the multi-colored eyes of the one and only, Jane. I internally groan; just the thing I don't need right now.

"Jane," I say curtly. She leans her weight on her right foot and puts her hands on her hips. I patiently wait for her to say something so that I can get the hell out of dodge.

"Have you seen Harry?" She asks. Yes, as a matter of fact I have, but I'm not going to tell her that. She looks at me expectantly.

"No," I shrug. "Must have lost sight of him."

"Shame," she prodded. There was some unspoken stand -off between her and I.

"I suppose," I said, standing my ground.

"Nice talking to you, Blair," she said smiling tightly. "Tell him I am looking for him, if you see him." I nod to her, watching as she slithers back into the crowd like the snake she resembled. I let out the breath that I didn't know I was holding and finally reach the door. I pushed it open and I am immediately hit with the chilled night air.

I lean against the side of the warehouse, face tilted upwards to the stars that Harry and I had admired earlier. I am so tired. Prying eyes? He never had a problem with affection in front of Louis or the rest of my family. He had no problem with Shawn or Liam, so what made the rest of the world so different? He used to kiss Jane in front of everyone; why couldn't he do that with me?

I can feel tears forming in my eyes and I quickly wipe them away when I hear the door open again. Harry's chocolate curls appear in the doorway. He looks at me with sad eyes. Harry opens his mouth, and then closes it. I avert my eyes and stare blankly into the night.

"Blair," he says softly. He comes and stands in front of me. His fingertips lightly touch my elbow.

"Jane is looking for you," I tell him quietly.

"So?"

"Maybe you should go find her," I whisper bitterly.

"Baby," he says lightly, brushing my cheek with his knuckles. "Please don't say that to me."

I fight every part of me not to lean into his touch. I make the mistake of looking up into his eyes. Part of my defense crumbles. I can't say I am mad at him; I am just confused to why it matters that the world knows about us.

"Please say something, Blair."

"What do you want me to say, Harry?" I choke out. "That I understand? Because I would be lying, I don't understand."

"What don't you understand? Talk to me, I'll try to explain myself." He pleaded.

"I am trying to understand, believe me I am," I say in a hushed tone. "What do you want from this, Harry? I thought we sorted this out ages ago."

"I want you, Blair." He says with heartbreaking eyes. "I want to be with you."

"I understand that; I love you, and I want to be with you, but I can't play from the sidelines." I tell him. "I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want wherever we are; and I am sorry if that is selfish, but why can't we be like that?"

"I'm sorry," he mumbles shaking his head.

"You never cared before. Liam and Shawn know we are together, Louis and the rest of my family. So what makes the rest of the world so different?"