Lights (2019)

Same Mistakes

Work the next morning was agonizing. Not only had I barely slept, but the house's water heater had broken. So after two cups of coffee and a cold shower, I was sitting in hell...excuse me, Shawn's bookstore. I was scanning barcodes putting a new order of books into the system. The incessant beeping of the scanner made me want to hit my head into the wall. Liam was bringing in new boxes of books to the front of the story. He plopped the box down on the floor next to me and brushed his hands off on his jeans.

"How was your weekend?" Liam asks.

"I went to a party last night," I tell him. He chuckles softly under his breath. He grabs the books I have scanned in and begins to shelve them.

"With that guy that was outside waiting for you the other day?" Liam questions. He's talking about Harry. I internally groan.

"He was there," I nod. "I went with my step-brother."

"Really?" Liam asks. He seems kind of confused as to why I went somewhere with Louis.

"He needed a wing-man," I tell him. "Or wing-woman, I guess."

"How was that then?" Liam asks, making conversation.

I look at him dead in the eye when I say, "It was fucking awful."

"Language, Blair!" I hear Shawn call from the office.

"We have no costumers!" I call back.

"Oh... you're fine then!" Shawn shouts. Liam and I laugh as we continue working.

"What was so bad about it? If you don't mind me asking." Liam questioned.

"I don't know what I expected," I begin. "It just really isn't my scene."

Liam cracks a smile at me. "I recommended some books to your friend."

"My friend?" I ask.

"Harry?" Liam questions. I don't look up from my books, I just continue to scan the bar codes.

"Oh yeah?" I mumble.

"Yeah," Liam confirms. I can feel his eyes on me for a moment. "Are you okay?"

I laugh. "Yeah, I am just tired," I say.

It's not until Liam goes into the back room and I am left on my own, lost in my thoughts that I realize what a lie that is. I'm really not fine. I'm really caught up in a storm of emotions--anger and hurt, mostly. As much as I hate to admit it, I really miss him. I miss his stupid snarky remarks about everything. I even kind of miss bickering with him. I take the final stack of books and put them away on their designated shelves. The door opens and a couple comes in. I smile and return to behind the counter as they peruse the books. I move on to repairing some used copies that were donated to the store; some of the spines are falling apart or pages are falling out. I absentmindedly ring up the couple and smile at them as they depart from the store. I continue to focus on repairing the old books. I don't even look up with the bell about the door rings signaling a new costumer.

"Excuse me, where do you keep the best-sellers?" The costumer asks.

"Front left of the store," I say involuntarily, not bothering to look up.

"Thanks, Blair."

"No problem, Harry." Wait. My head shoots up. I widen my eyes as I watch his head of chocolate curls make its way to the front left of the store. I shake my head and try to return my focus to my work. But I can't. I am too aware of his presence to not glance up at him every few seconds. Why is he here? What is he trying to prove? I try really hard to ignore him, but I can't. I watch as his green eyes narrow at the selection of books. I contemplate going to the back room and sending Liam out to ring him up, but that just feels too cowardice.