Why Fall For Him

Chapter 24

Why Fall For Him

*Selena's pov*

He changed. I don't know who he is anymore. And i'm not sure if I like it this way. When he's mad, he leaves but doesn't go far. He comes back with a sparkle in his eye. He's concerned but at the same time he doesn't seem to mean anything he says. He stays all night. He gives me every reason to smile and trust him. His face is the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see before I go to bed- like it use to be. But that's not how it's supposed to be. He's supose to scold me when he's angry. He's supose to stay up late at partys and drown himself in alcohal to the point where he has no other option but to crash on a couch of a nearby hotel. He's supose to leave when he's mad and not come back for hours. When he comes back he's supose to have a hint of hatred and fear in his eyes. I couldnt trust him before so why do i feel as if I can trust him now? I'm not supose to trust him. I'll just end up hurt later on. He isn't supose to be concerned. That's the Justin I knew-the boy that didn't care about anything, not even me. The Justin I loved. But this Justin, I'm afraid to love. I'm afraid he'll turn and become the person he use to be-the person he has been almost his entire life. I'm not suposed to love him this way-and I won't. I can't. I know right from wrong. I know everything he use to be is wrong. It's not that I can't love the person he's turned out to be- but I can't love the person he'll turn out to be.

Isn't this what I always wanted? I told him to change. I realized I wasn't making choices for myself but for my baby also. He took the extra step and did whatever it took to change himself, to make the right decisions and he did. He changed. He did it for me. I wish he wouldn't have. What does this mean for us? For me? For him? We are no more and no matter how much I wish we were, I know that's how it's supose to be. I have George now to protect and love me.

Then I turned to George. Who hasn't been himself lately either. He leaves during the night when everyone is asleep and nothing but the lights beyond the curtians are on. I don't stop him. Though I should. I wonder where he goes. Home maybe. He returns around eight o'clock every night. I rarely see him anymore. Justin tells me not to worry about it. That George wouldn't have the guts to hurt me. As hard as it is, I believe him.

Justin and George walk in, side by side. I raise my eyebrow but neither one of them give an explanation. Justin wears a cold, hard expression. George's expression is blank but I can't exactly make it out exactly. Justin looks at me, takes a deep breath, shakes his head and leaves the room. I look at George. He looks back at me. I smile. He smiles back. He sits in a chair beside my bedside. He takes my hand and wraps his other hand over my hand, stoking my hand with his soft fingers.

"He's a monster." He says. His eyes drift from mine. "I see the fear in your eyes and I hear your thumping heart. I see the way you talk about him with tears in your eyes when I look at him. You think he's changed but he hasn't. He won't ever be able to break away from the monster inside."

I know what he's saying. I understand but he's wrong.

"People can change you know." I say.

"Not him." He says. He looks me into the eyes. He begs me to agree with him. Or to atleast consider he is. But he can't be right. Could he?

"I can't tell you how much I despise him for everything he's put you through. Don't you remeber knocking on my door in the middle of the night because you were scared of the man who claimed he loved you. You were afraid. I held you in my arms until you felt safe enough. You trusted me with the secrets you kept inside of you. You told me about your nightmares that kept you up all night. You told me everything he did to you but you begged and pleaded for me not to tell someone. It killed me to hear what you were going through. I didn't tell anyone because I loved you." He gets up and walks into the middle of the room. My hand feels bare and unlike my own. I want to tell him not to leave, to hold my hand like it's our last few seconds together. But I don't. Instead I say nothing.

"It's me or him. But I swear to you...if you choose him over me just know I won't be there." He stares at the floor, his shoulders facing me. He looks at me one last time then leaves.

"George wait..." I plead but he's too far ahead to hear me.

It's me or him. His words play back in my head. He's making me choose between him and Justin. It's not something I have to think about. I know what I want. I've known what I wanted for a long time. It's not even a choice. Or maybe it is. Its a choice between who I love and trust or who I love but am afraid of. I know what I want.