Why Fall For Him

Chapter 28

Selena's pov

My stomach tosses and turns as he inches closer to me. I wonder how he knew where I was. He attempts to wrap me in his arms, but I throw my hands up against his chest and resist his embrace. He murmurs my name and when he wraps his arms around my fragile body; against my wanting, my entire body goes numb and I'm trapped in his embrace. It's not such a bad feeling. His arms are strong, too strong for me to resist; so I settle in his arms and wish this would never end. I grasp onto his shirt and take in his smell. He smells like an ocean of alcohol, beyond that I smell his expensive cologne. If I was sober or smart, I would walk away from a love felt monster in the making.

"Walk with me?" He says, just below a whisper. I barely hear him.

"Why should I go anywhere with you?" I argue in a whisper. He doesn't care what I have to say. He chuckles and grins a foolish grin and it's clear to me there's enough alcohol in his veins to take us both over. He disconnects my grip from his t-shirt and takes my hand in his.

"Don't touch me." I say, and jerk my hand away from his grip. I fold my arms as we walk; he buries his hands inside his pockets. Silence fills the cool night breeze as we walk down a dark alley. We are surrounded by two beat down apartment buildings; trash covers the ground. An odor clear in the air; strong enough to make me forget the smell of alcohol on my clothes as well as Justin's.

"Resisting only makes me want you more," he says.

"I should have said this earlier, but you're so beautiful." He says, slowly.

Minutes pass, and neither one of us say anything. I do however, get closer to him. I wrap my arms around his; we walk at a steady pace; to nowhere really.

"Do you love him?"

"Oh my God," I say.

What am I supposed to say;

Yes, Justin, I am madly in love with him; everything seems perfectly fine when he's around; then, you come back into my life and mess everything up. Can't you see all I want is you?

Or, yes, I do love him but I love you more!

"Justin, I'm happy. I'm in love. George is a great guy." I say. I try to convince us both. I do love George but nothing compares to my love for Justin. George is a great guy. But, Justin could be better.

"Don't say that to me. Just-don't," he clears his throat; shaking his head ever so slightly as he turns to look at me. "Because I don't believe it." Again, he shakes his head. Through darkness, I see him grin. His eyes shift to the ground. I watch him closely. His smile fades and his expression changes.

He's nervous. He's scared. He's fearful.

"You're scared he can give me more than you ever could."

"No, I'm afraid that he'll fool your heart and take you from me forever." He says whilst looking at me. His words are sincere; meaningful...but does he really believe that?

"You don't know what a forever is, Justin."

"But when I'm with you it all makes sense."

I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

"If you saw a forever with me, why didn't fight harder for me? I spent every night for months in tears! Dammit, you came back, but not soon enough!" My voice shakes. Tears fill my eyes. I turn my head to keep him from seeing me cry. I stop in my tracks and burry my face into my hands. I can't do this. I let the tears fall down my cheeks; to my lips and down my chin. Finally, I'm letting it all out.

"You think it was easy living without you? Everyday I woke up wishing things were different. I tried fighting for you, but you made it so hard." He faces me. He holds my hands in his large ones, with such care. His forehead rests upon mine; our lips just inches away. His breath beats against my lips; my body trembles.

"If you don't want me the way I want you, that's fine. But, I need you to know this: I have never loved anyone more than I love you. I'll never lay one more finger on you, mistreat you in any way again, I promise I will make you my number one priority, I will treat you as though our days are numbered. I promise, you won't shed one more tear unless it's of joy. All those things; cheating, leaving, hurting," He pauses; he too is growing weak in his words. "Abusing...are all innate within me. From the day I was born, that was my future. Until I met you, I didn't know what love was. You were and always have been the only person who has truly cared and perhaps that's why I'm so attached. I love you Selena. There will never be anyone better for me than you. You are my forever." He says. He wipes the tears from my eyes with his dumb, gently stroking my cheek. I grow nervous as his lips grow closer to mine. He wraps me in his arms tightly as if to say he'll never let go. I wrap my small arms around his body and cry into his shoulder.

I'm finally letting it all out; everything I've held in for so long...

We stand in silence for several minutes as I stand in his arms. He lifts me from the ground, I wrap my legs around his waist; my arms locked around his neck. He then slides down the wall; with me still firmly in his arms. My trembling hands mold his cheeks as we kiss in the moonlight.

"Stay with me tonight?" He almost pleads in a whisper. His breath is warm; it beats against my lips and I tremble. I say nothing but re-connect our lips and that seems to be enough for him because I feel him smile through our kiss.

"I love you," I say below a whisper so that only I can hear myself say those three magical words. This time, I know for sure, I really do mean it.