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I finally cope up with my breathing when I successfully got brought Suga inside my bedroom. Yes, my bedroom. What can I do? There also other visitors that couldn't be able to go home and will use the guest room. I have no choice but to take him here. Besides, he's asleep and untouchable. I won't be in great danger.
I rest my hands on my waste and gaze at him. His cheeks are still red as tomatoes and I noticed he was furrowing his brows. I first attended to his feet and take off the shoes. After that, I get the blanket and lay it over him. He already stopped furrowing his brows so I took that chance and get in the bathroom. Of course, I already prepared my clothes. My mind still working fine and I'm aware that one man is with me inside the bedroom.
I took a bath and clean my wounds. I just now realized how deep was the cut. I hope, they won't give me work for this week or until this wound heal totally. I have own first aid kit here in the bedroom. After I get dressed, I checked Suga and gladly he's still asleep. I sat down in front of the bed side table and medicate my wound. I also put bandage after. I was thankful Jin or Rapmon didn't noticed earlier or else they will scold me because fair skin is very important as model.
"Mom! P-please, d-don't leave us."
I heard Suga screamed in whisper. I didn't bother to fixed the kit and immediately approached him. He's having a nightmare. He was sweating very hard and his cheeks getting pale.
"Mom! Don't leave me."
I tap his cheeks gently at first trying to wake him up yet, nothing happened. Now, I had no choice but tapped his cheeks stronger.
"Suga, wake up!"
It was a success! Suga abruptly open his eyes. My corcern gaze met his sad eyes. All I saw in it was pain, emptiness, and longing.
"It's okay now. Rest again."
I told him in a calm low tone voice. I didn't revoke my stares at him and I was startled when he suddenly pulled me to a hug. Suga, hugged me so tight like he might loose me any moment. I heard a sobbed. He was crying. It made my heart sad. I still don't know what happened behinds those nightmare, yet I emphatized.
"It's okay. I will listen. Okay?"
Suga broke the hug and sat down properly. His eyes still somber and his pale cheeks get back to red color. Spirit of alcohol still in his body. He wiped his tears like it was nothing and sniff like a ten years old boy in front of me. Suga, held his head up high and look at me directly. He showed me a smile but a bitter one.
"I was 8 when Mom left without telling us a reason. She just suddenly gone and no one told us why she left. Even my Dad and Grandmother. I was still fine back then though I am sad. One day, Dad suddenly went home with a woman and boy with the same age as mine. Still, I tried to understand what's going on around me. What matters to me that time is Kelli and I. Also, I always thought that I still have Grandma to love and protect."
Suga pause and took a deep sigh. He kept his eyes shut as he tell me everything. I don't like to touch him but my conscience told me to do so. I move closer to him and caress his back. He didn't flinched nor dodge. Maybe alcohol still overpower his mind. Should I kept him drunk all his life?
"Two years after. Mom came back home. I was so happy back then because I thought finally she will stay and don't leave again and we will start another life. Yet, that was also the day I found out that she intended to leave and get away with the man she loved. However, I missed her so bad that I will choose to be with her and his new husband. I just want to be with her but Dad won't let me and Kelli be taken away from his care. They fought about custody and stuff yet I didn't understood a thing because I was just a small weak dumb filthy 10 years old kid back then. Mom was defeated, she left. I tried to stop her. I even chased her out the house and promised her that I will be a good boy and will learned to live poor life just to be with her."
Tears escape again his eyes and me too. I never thought Suga experience a tragic event at the very young age and that cause him the disorder. Dra. Morgan was right. Suga needs closure. He was longing for his mom since too long ago.
"But she didn't listened. She still left. Mom don't love me and don't want me as her son. She also told me that I should keep myself clean just like my Dad's new wife always said. I kept cleaning myself and my surrounding. I'm germ free, zero percent to be exact. Yet, she never came back. Mom, already forgotten about me. She---"
Suga sobbed louder this time and I took that chance and embrace him. I want him to feel that he wasn't alone. That she still have Kelli and me around him and we cared. This sudden confession of Suga inspired me to work more and look for his Mom not matter what or how long it takes. Suga only needs love and he deserves it.
"Sshh. Stop crying already. I'm here. Okay! Always put in your mind that you are not filthy. Instead, you are the most kind and generous person I met in my life though sometimes you act like you don't care. Still, I can see in your eyes how good person you are."
I continue on tapping and massaging his back to comfort him when he suddenly speak.
"You won't leave me too, right?"
My heart was touched. Suga was afraid to be left behind. I guess, I could stay until he was fine. I don't expect that our relationship will be more than friends. Yet, I can seriously feel that I couldn't leave this cry baby in front of me.
"Of course, I won't! Now you sleep."
Suga broke the embrace and look at me. I was tempted to touch his cheeks.He was smiling happily and sincerely to me. I wipe his tears. I wished I had someone too that will wiped mine when I get sad and crying.
"Ash."
That sudden call of my name snapped me back to reality. I am fucking touching this untouchable creature. I wished he won't remember everything we've talked about tomorrow. I am about to take away my hand when Suga catch it. A smirk form on his face. God! Please, don't let this creature be touchable tonight because I will grab this chance and ra-- what? I flinched and silently scold my pervert brain.
"W-what?" I asked.
"You won't leave me right? Prove it!" He stated that shook my whole existence.
"Uhm, yeah. I won't leave. I will be sleeping on the floor. Okay, don't worry." I said.
I pulled my hand from him yet he gripped it tighter. He swiftly lay down on the bed pulling me beside him. I tired to escape from his arms yet his words made me stay.
"I love to snuggle with my Mom."
I sigh and let him hugged me. I can just stood up and transfer on the floor later when he fall asleep. I lean my head on his chest and listen to his calm heartbeat. It sounds so peaceful.
I love to snuggle too with my Mom before but her heartbeat wasn't like this. It was always fast and restless. Yet, I love hearing it. The fact that it's beating is too much for me to be thankful for. I'm still lucky I grew up with her.
I buried my face on his chest. Gosh, why Suga smells so enticing? I pulled embraced him back and sniff his scent until darkness took over me.
