October 15, 2017
Dear Nathan,
I hope you remember me, because I surely remember you. How could I forget you and all you did for me? I hope you remember when we were 16 and we would sneak off to the game room and talk. I hope you remember the days when you were my diary, because I do and I need you.
Like many other nights since I left I don't have the courage to call and talk so I do what I do best; write. To be honest, I may not even send this letter out.
Tonight is more difficult for me than most nights. I have been struggling in college because of what's been going on. Causing my dad to pull me out and force me to do online classes.
When I left you last year, I was 3 months pregnant it was your baby and now, you're probably wondering what I'm talking about.
I started wearing baggy cloths and like many others you, and G noticed it first. It all started out with Jack pointing out I was wearing your hoodie right in front of some tall blonde girl you brought to my house, and Kenny. I was grateful that I had been so athletic during school and my younger years so no one could tell I was pregnant.
It was your baby Nathan. And when I found out, I was practically already seeing Kenny and I couldn't tell him so how could I tell you? The only person who knew was my dad. He immediately got everything set up so I could get out of Nebraska after I lost our baby.
I was ashamed, because I never got to hear his or her heart beat, but then I later learned that this happens to 1 out of 4 women. I learned that it happened to my mom before both Jack and I.
I had to have a DNC to get the baby out because I couldn't pass it. My dad paid for him/her to be cremated. When I revived the package in the mail, I hesitated for weeks to open that box.
And when I opened it I pulled out a cute little silver tin, it was shiny and had a white ribbon on it. Inside were two more things, a pink and blue awareness ribbon and a certificate that says, "I'm memory of baby Gilinsky"
My dad gave me the office when we moved in here saying I could use it for school work until I got into the FBI, which happened summer going into my sophomore year of college.
All the things, except the box, because I could always lie and say it was just a cat are stuffed into my safe.
I hope, if I never send this out, I gain enough courage to at least tell G or Sam because I know they won't keep it from you.
Sophomore year was when I got pulled out of school. There had been a campus killer and my dad wanted me in no part of it. The professors thought I was crazy when I told them, but then understood when my dad stood in the back of my classes for a week straight.
Then it happened, the killer saw me walking to my dads car at 10 pm one night. Little did I know that all these killings were happening at my school. My whole school was surrounded with FBI agents in their fancy blacked out cars.
When I saw the tall man sprinting at me, I stood my ground because well I'm Savannah G; fearless. I was seriously 20 feet from my car.
Then here come more guys one sweeping me up and pulling me back, then like ten others, attacking this man. Who would have know that David Gilinsky's daughter could have been next.
Then to finish my sophomore year out, I had a shitty boyfriend who drug me to a party just to rufee me the one time he came to visit. Pathetic huh?
Luckily the bartender saw him put the drug in the drink and carded me "sorry sweetie, I'm gonna have to take this," later slipping me a piece of paper saying what she'd saw.
I went home that night and wrapped my self in your hoodie and the blanket we used to sleep under.
I swore I gave all your stuff back and I had no idea where your hoodie was, but all along I knew. It was stuffed in a corner in my closet so you wouldn't see it.
The smell of you was starting to wear off, but it was still my feeling of being wrapped in your arms.
Now my junior year I was still with Ken. Everyone thought we were soooo iconic, but they didn't know what happened behind closed doors.
Just three days ago, Kenny beat the shit out of me. Great fully I did online school but let me tell you how happy my boss was when I showed up to work Tuesday morning with a massive black eye.
This morning I was placed in protective custody and Kenny was arrested. I am abuse free Nate and I fucking miss you.
I don't know how I've went so long with out you, Nate. I really don't know. I beat my self up every day for leaving, especially the way I did.
When you get this, feel free to call me. Only if you want.
-Savannah
———
She killed me, every time Savannah wrote me a letter, there was never anything good coming out of it. It's been almost five years since she wrote me the last letter and I'm just finding out she was pregnant with my child.
I knew she was scared, but I would have been there for her but of course she didn't know that.
I was pulled from the thoughts when I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek. I had some fan I barley knew sitting in Savannah's living room.
I folded the paper and put it back in the envelope the way she had it than I stuffed it in my back pocket.
I opened the door and smacked the light before I marched down the stairs, "where do you want me to take you? I can take you back to the hospital or I can take you home." I told her.
"Are you ok? You don't look like you are, so don't lie,"
