MAFIA INDEBTED (Mafia Series #1)

Chapter 50 (II)

Shehryaar didn't know for how long he sat there contemplating.

She was pregnant. And even though she had lost her baby- their baby, he had no idea how or what to feel.

All his life, he never felt any remorse, any guilt or any empathy towards anything. HE understood these feelings but never felt them. He never felt any fear of his actions or the consequences of what his actions might entail. He understood what these feelings were and he had used them against his victims and opponents so many times because he knew their importance.

He understood what remorse was but he just didn't feel it.

Anything that directly effected him, that was all that he could feel.

How could you respond to something that you couldn't feel anything for?

He could rationalise anything. Everything had a logical explanation.

We lost the baby. It's okay though. We can try again, right? He thought, his chest tightening with each breath he took.

You think? Shahzeb sneered inside his head. Do you really think that you can rationalise this? No you can't. It's all your fault. You pushed her and now that baby is lost.

How could it be my loss? I didn't even know that baby? He tried to justify his actions all the while trying to keep his emotions under control as the flood gates threatened to open.

It was yours too. Why don't you realise that it's your loss!

And that's when he felt it: a strong emotion washing over him making his heart beat fast yet his chest felt as if it was being constricted.

It was the same painful feeling that he had felt when he learnt that Anissa had left him. It was the same feeling when he found out that his twin had died.

Except, it was ten times more intense. It made all rationale fly out the window as his head throbbed.

"Fuck!" He growled.

No! No! It was all her fault. Why did she have to act so immaturely? He mentally shouted.

Really? You're one sick motherfucker for trying to pin the blame on that innocent woman when you very well know that she was only reacting to the ton of shit that you threw at her. Shahzeb yelled back.

Shehryaar clenched his teeth tightly as his hands balled up into fists. Suddenly, he felt an intense urge to pull out his gun and shoot down anything that came to view.

This painful feeling was just too much.

What was it?

Was this remorse? Regret?

He couldn't understand. He couldn't recognise these feelings since he had never felt them before. Then how could he feel them now?

It is. Shahzeb affirmed.

No it's not. He retorted.

Because it was out of his comprehension; never in his entire life had he ever doubted himself as he did now. He felt his confidence dwindle.

He wasn't taught anything that remotely resembled remorse. With a past like his, in which instead of being taught not to harm other, all he was taught was how to assemble a gun and make a clean kill. Where you're suppose to go to bed and your parents tuck you in and you know the other day, it's all going be good but instead, he only slept to get rest in order to survive the other day.

He was taught all about power and control, relying on the reward system for good results and the punishment system if things go wrong.

He wasn't taught to be a normal human.