The History of Us

Heloise and Abelard

Heloise and Abelard

When I wake up, a deep sense of unfulfillment washes over me.

Tentatively, I stretch my limbs out, and realise that I'm a little sore. My muscles ache, but the delicious feeling of satisfaction doesn't wash over me to ease the discomfort.

In confusion, I open my eyes fully, and I'm surprised when lights don't immediately blind my eyes. It must be later than I thought.

I tilt my head to the side, and see that the curtains are drawn, blocking out what's left of the daylight. There's no telling what time it is. I rub my eyes with my palm, and turn my attention to the sleeping figure next to me.

Jake is soundly sleeping on his stomach, his arms stretched out over the bed. He has one arm looped over my waist, and gently I move it off of me. I feel slightly guilty that I don't want his arm on me.

But I suppose it's my own fault.

The tension had been building in me for weeks. It had been unsated for so long, and I was so desperate to appease the feeling that I probably built up the moment too much, set unrealistic expectations.

The moment Jake and I got back to his room, I pulled his lips to mine and closed the door behind us. We fumbled our way out of our clothes and into his bed, where he finally gave into me.

His kisses trailed up my neck, his hands roamed my body, and the desire within me was screaming to be unleashed. And when my release finally happened, I expected a wave of calm to wash over me, but it didn't happen.

Instead, all I could feel was...

Incredibly underwhelmed.

Jake was great, don't get me wrong. He knows exactly what to do to please me, and while I did enjoy it... It just didn't relieve me the way I hoped it would.

I reach for my phone, and check the time. It's a little after eight. Jake and I both must have fallen asleep after we had sex.

And if that doesn't summarise the experience, I don't know what will.

I don't know what it is. I'd been looking forward to it, even craving it, for weeks, but somehow, it's just not sitting right with me.

The whole experience felt like it was lacking something. But I can't work out what.

Gently, I slip out of bed, and reach around the floor for my clothes. I hear Jake roll over, and when I sit down on the bed to put my shoes on, his arm wraps around my waist again.

"Hey, where you going?" Jake's voice murmurs. He's still half asleep, and his voice has this adorable, drowsy quality to it. Usually it would charm me into staying, but tonight I just feel like I need to leave.

"I'm gonna go home" I whisper, turning to look at him.

"I thought you were staying the night?" Jake asks, rubbing his face with his hand. He's starting to get a little shadow of hair creeping along his jawline. He checks his watch, and grumbles in confusion "It's only eight. We could watch a film, order some food in or something?"

"I can't, I need to go home. I've just remembered I have homework due tomorrow" I lie, tying my shoelaces and standing up. "I'll let myself out, don't worry"

"Mads..." Jake protests weakly, slapping the empty bed with his hand. I can tell he's still half asleep. "Stay, you don't have to go, you know"

"I know I don't" I reassure him, bending down to kiss him. He brings his hand up to cut my face, and I expect to melt back into his arms, but I don't. I pull away. "I'll message you when I get home"