The History of Us

The Iceberg

The Iceberg

"We could have gone anywhere, you know, Maddie. Gone bowling, gone for dinner, anything" Nathan informs me with a grin from the bed, and I nod, wondering around his room "We didn't have to stay here"

"I know, but I wanted to see your room" I tell him, peering around the room where I spent so much time as a child. There's not a single thing in here that I recognise.

The walls, which used to be a vivid green so bright it was blinding, are now a subdued dark blue colour. The bed frame is different, bigger, the walls bare and the surfaces void of almost everything except the bare essentials.

Unlike my room, there aren't any pictures decorating the walls. There aren't any mementos, or visible memories, nothing at all that would even indicate this was Nathan's room. My room is practically a map of my life.

But Nathan hasn't been here in almost four years. It makes sense that it wouldn't look anything like his old room. Maybe he isn't the same Nathan as he used to be. Maybe, like his room, he's changed.

"Why would you want to see it?" Nathan asks me, bemused. My fingers trail over the top of his chest of drawers. There's certainly room for pictures here; maybe he's deliberately chosen not to have any.

Maybe he doesn't want reminding of the past.

"I wanted to see if it was how I remembered it" I admit. It smells the same, at least. The scent that's so completely Nathan.

He comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Mum had it redecorated. She got rid of a lot of stuff" Nathan informs me, kissing my neck. I lean back into him, and he chuckles.

"What?" I ask, and I can feel him grinning into my skin.

"Nothing, I just thought there was an ulterior motive behind you wanting to see my room" Nathan chuckles darkly and I shake my head, turning around to face him.

"It hasn't even been a day, Nathan" I remind him and he waggles his eyebrows at me.

"I know it hasn't, but I've missed you, I was hoping you'd missed me the same" Nathan responds, leaning down to kiss me.

I place my lips to his and kiss him back. He pulls away and flops down onto the bed again, but I remain standing, hesitant to sit.

It feels like I'm in a stranger's house. Not somewhere I've been hundreds of times.

"Nathan-!" I begin, but I cut myself off, not sure what to say. He reaches for my hands and pulls me towards the bed, sitting me down "What happens now?"

"What do you mean?" He replies, and I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, not quite sure how to approach the subject.

"Well, are you back for good? Are you staying in Brightmore? I mean you got the teaching job at the school and everything" I begin, and my heart starts pounding again when I see him shift on the bed, his face looking sheepish.

"Well, I'm not sure, Maddie. The teaching job was just temporary, there's more work outside of Brightmore. But you could come with me, now you're done with school, finally get out, like we planned?" Nathan suggests, and I try not to let the disappointment show on my face.

He's made this promise before.

"Maybe. I mean I'm not really sure what I'd do. And there's a lot left for me in Brightmore..." I trail off, thinking about Jake.

Could I really run away with someone else and leave him behind? He was meant to be my forever. We were going to get married. I thought we'd be engaged already. Could I really give all of that up for someone who already left me behind once?