Rants About Wattpad

Everybody Makes Mistakes, Everybody Has Those Days

it's been so long that when i logged in i saw the ad for wattpad premium and thought, "what in the fuck is this?"

i am no newbie to wattpad. im definitely not an avid writer on here any more, because if you can keep up, i only come on here during the worst times of my life. 

but yeah, ive seen wattpad in its fetus stages. it used to be much more like community rather than a hipster platform constantly capitalizing off of the saddest of poets. 

oh how terrible gentrification is! it even got to wattpad!

but ive been wanting to write something. i dont really write anymore which is sad. im losing my touch. i havent improved.

but i feel like the past like 6 months have been ROUGH. in fact, ever since i started high school, each year brings a new challenge. it keeps getting worse and worse. however i probably am the wisest ive been and i keep thinking about how fucking stupid i was lmao.

in freshman year i was too reliant on other people. i still am, tbh, but i would let my friends determine what i thought about other people.

a lot of my friends were bitchy. it makes sense tho because i am BITCHY. and bitches have their own opinion which is okay! but my dumb self always listened to their bitchy opinions and thought they were good opinions!

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! BAD IDEA!

i isolated myself from a lot of people in my year just because my friends seemed to hate everyone. however, i didnt really hate everyone in that way. they were sensitive and were bothered by the littlest of things people did, which is okay, but i dont really let those things get to me. 

i let their sensitivity determine how i form my relationships with girls in my year and that impacted my social career in high school from the start. 

so yeah, if u have good intuition and u wanna be friendly with someone, go be friends with that person. dont not be friends with them just because ur friends think they have a bad attitude (especially when they barely know the person lmao)

sophomore year was also TERRIBLE LMFAO

I MADE EVEN HUGER MISTAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can start off by saying dont be apologetic for your mental health or anything that youve been through thats hurt you

dont be apologetic for who you are. good people who you accept you will stay. the people who cant accept you will leave and thats okay. 

dont be afraid to put yourself first over others. its okay to say no. in the long run it will be better for you and also may be better for the other person. 

never ever let people force how you feel!!!!!!! if someone hurt you dont let them force you to forgive. only you can forgive. 

i had a friend that constantly pressured me to forgive this one person. trust me, forgiveness for this person was definitely not within the realm of impossibility after the situation that we were both in. 

i even told the friend that was pressuring me to give me the end of the summer at the very least to process and heal. i knew that she just wanted all of her friends to be happy together again, but that was never going to happen if you kept! on! pressuring! me! 

this same friend once boasted about how nice the person who hurt me at the time was. 

like why would you tell anybody that!!!!!!!! how is that helping anybody!!!!!! are ya dense!!!!!!! 

take as much time as you need to heal. take a week. take a month. hell take 5 months, like it did for me. 

i promise you, being patient and doing whatever you can to make you feel like yourself again after an experience that feels like the world is ending makes life worth it. 

now lets go onto junior year!!!!!!!! the year i am in!!!!!

can i just say that when i was 13 years old on wattpad it never fucking occurred to me that i will even get to junior year. its crazy. 

junior year is shit. lots of tears have been shed and its only been 2 months.

i got into a relationship and i am very in love!!!!!!

but besides my love life UM i will share with u now the hell that is junior year for me

i basically lost all the friends that i care about. and i had a lot of anger and theres still some shit that never added up. it does frustrate me knowing that a lot of the reasons why we are not friends is just because they just do not have the same mindset as me. 

however, if i learned anything its that people can absolutely come around. if you and someone are meant to be best friends for life then it'll happen

there is such a thing as right person, wrong time. it doesnt apply to just romantic relationships. 

also in comparison with romantic relationships, doesnt losing your best friend also hurt like hell? like with romantic relationships theres usually that anticipation that youre going to break up, especially at the beginning when youre first getting together. 

with best friends it doesnt happen like that. it sort of just happens. youre best friends and you talk about moving in together for college, being roommates, getting pets and living out your youthful years. and then something happens and then it just ends because you never anticipated that the best friend can just break up with you.

i thoroughly believe some people that ive cut off were the right people but it was just the wrong time. especially that girl i talked about in sophomore year that hurt me. 

and she didnt really hurt me ya know. it was just the wrong time and it was a shitty time. being 15 isnt fun and what i went through the entirety of sophomore year was not fun at all. i was not in the right head space and thats okay.

just because two people arent ready to be best friends doesnt mean that those two people wont be ready in the future.

okay. my heart hurts now

vote if youve read through these 1000 words of fucking depressing ass shit LMAO 

peace xx