At first, when Fletcher had been told that for his next mission he had to go undercover in a British East Midlands comprehensive secondary school, he had been sceptical.
However, after spending about a week with the clotpoles, he had made some friends and was rather enjoying the experience. That was, until last lesson on a Thursday: R.E.
Fletcher entered the classroom with his new friends Emily and Lorna. The class became instantly rowdy when the topic of the lesson was disclosed.
"Allah, and his one-ness."
"How come all the other gods have names but the Christian god is just called 'God'?" Asked Emily. "It's like having a room full of chairs with name tags, but one chair who is just called chair."
"Well," said Lorna, "what if that was so you would know that the chair called 'chair' was the most powerful chair? Also, the Arab word for God is 'Allah'."
"I just picture a room full of chairs and it all goes dark and this one chair rises up with the Belarus National Anthem plays," said Emily thoughtfully.
Fletcher began to reconsider his choice in friends.
"I think that as long as you're happy and you aren't hurting anyone, you can believe anything you want," he said.
Lorna and Emily turned their heads slowly towards him.
"Fletcher, there are things we must teach you if you wish to survive here, in the land of the two pound pint," Lorna said.
"You see, the northerner is trusting and loyal, like a gun dog, but when riled will become cross and easily confused, like some sort of angry hen," Emily told him.
"You must not attempt to blind them with reason or logic," Lorna said. "They might turn on you by serving you lukewarm PG Tips and calling you a Mudblood."
"Therefore, although your belief system is sensible and makes much more sense than most people's, I would highly advise you to keep it to yourself if you don't want to be ripped apart by the general public," Emily said sadly.
"They're savage," said Lorna.
'Nah,' thought Fletcher, 'I'll be fine.'
How very wrong he was...
***
"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Fletcher Renn, the last teleporter. If only he hadn't gotten into a religious debate with the British ..."
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1000 Ways To Die When You're A Teleporter
FanficHaha, let's watch Fletcher die in a number of unusual and amusing accidents. Just some oneshots, some of which where Fletcher and Valkyrie are together, some where it's him and Stephanie, (massive spoiler alert!!), and in all of which our young Engl...
