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Jackie
One month had passed, and rehearsals were going pretty great. Although Rhya and Liam weren’t to keen on the idea of kissing a couple of times, the teachers had a good feeling about the whole fiasco.
As for the project, all three of us got a good mark.
It was the end of the week when I passed by the poster.
Winter Prom
I read that it was going to be a month from now.
Suddenly, I felt a hot breath on the back of my neck.
"Why are you looking at it? It’s not going to get you a partner…who would want to dance with you?"
Harry’s words cut like knives. They were really starting to get to me. His long finger passed by me and his bicep touched mine as he tapped the price of a ticket with the pad of his index finger.
20 pounds per ticket
Then I realised that the hallway was empty.
Suddenly the warmth radiating from his body disappeared, because he was strolling down the corridor, with his backpack hanging on only one of his shoulders.
I followed behind him, and I couldn’t help but stare at his backside. Because even though he was bullying me, he looked good.
"It’s rude to stare."
I looked up at him, and he was looking back at me, with his hand on the door, ready to push it open.
"I wasn’t staring."
"Just because no one is ever going to love you, it doesn’t mean that you can creep at other girls’ boyfriends.", he spat pushing me and I stumbled a bit.
He exited the school, leaving me alone in the hallways.
"That was harsh."
I froze.
Louis appeared in front of me, with his hair tucked in a beanie.
"But you deserved it, you little bitch."
He started taking steps forward, as I started going backwards, until my back hit the wall.
"You need to pay for what you did that night in Manchester…", he spoke and slapped me, before pushing me by my shoulders, down on my arse.
I buried my face in my hands, and started crying as he kicked me.
Then, his phone beeped signaling that he had a message. He didn’t check, he kept kicking me, until I had a bloody nose.
"You…fucking…slag.", he spat between kicks on my ribs and pelvis.
His phone beeped again, this time it had a different sound. He abruptly stopped and checked his phone.
He stared at the text for a while, squinting his eyes. I slowly sat up, sobbing as I tried to wipe my nose.
His expression changed, and he replied to the text urgently, before putting it in his back pocket.
"You’re lucky this time. You worthless piece of crap."
Then he stormed off outside, leaving me against the wall, pulling my knees to my chest.
I heard a door open, which was probably the principal’s, so I immediately stood up, my ribs hurting as I limped to the door and exited the building. I almost stumbled down the stairs and whimpered.
There was only one car parked, which belonged to the principal. So I made my way to the gate that led to my shortcut. Also known as the forbidden smoking area.
I didn’t know why I always ended up going there, but I desperately needed to get home before my dad or Helen, because I knew they’d make a big deal out of my injuries.
I slowly walked across the pavement, my nose still bleeding. My tears were dry on my cheeks, and I tried to wipe them, but it was no use. It still gave me a uncomfortable feeling.
As I made it out the gate, a Range Rover which I knew too well came into view. It stopped in front of me, and I gulped.
"Jackie?"
Josh’s head popped out as the window lowered. Since my brother and Josh Devine were both called Josh, I nicknamed my brother ‘JJ’.
"Hi.", I said weakly.
He got out of the car and rushed over to hug me. I yelped when he touched my bruised rib.
"Who did this to you?", he asked gently holding me by my shoulders, so he could look into my eyes.
That’s when I saw Harry in the driver’s seat. He was looking at me with a unreadable expression on his face.
"Uh…just a bully."
"It wasn’t one of my friends, was it?"
We got in the back seat and he slung an arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him.
"Was it?", he asked, repeating the question.
I shook my head.
"Where do you live?"
"She lives across from me.", Harry said faintly.
"Then you can bring her home after you’ve dropped me off?"
Harry rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I can.”
My heart crumpled, thinking that I’d be alone with Harry for god know how many minutes. Eventually, the car stopped in front of a house.
"Well, this is my stop. Take care.", he said kissing my temple and squeezing my thigh. He got out and I watched his back as he went to Niall’s house (he lived with him because his parents were on a business trip for a couple of months).
When Harry finally started driving, I leaned back in the seat, holding two fingers to my nose, to make it stop bleeding. As he stopped for a stop sign, he looked at me through the mirror.
I didn’t break the glance, because his green orbs were so dark, yet so vulnerable.
"Who did that?", he asked in a low, husky voice.
"Uh…no one."
"You’re lying."
"It was Louis."
He raised his eyebrows. “Louis?”
I nodded. His hand clenched around the steering wheel, before he stepped on the gas. He pulled into his driveway and slammed the door shut as he got out of the car.
"Get out."
I obeyed and got out, just as the rain started.
"Shit.", he cursed getting his backpack out of his trunk.
"Uh…thanks for the ride.", I said and turned around to cross the street. I started limping towards my house, drenching in raindrops. No one was home, thank god.
I was halfway to my door, when I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist. I looked up and saw Harry.
"My mom is making me do this, so shut up, I don’t want to help you."
I nodded, trying to hold back tears. He helped me get to my door, when his phone buzzed. He took it out while I unlocked the door.
He showed me his text.
From: Mom
Received at: 4:19pm
Can you help Jackie and make sure she actually gets inside safe? Help her, poor baby is limping :)
I shrugged. “I know you don’t want to help me…”
"I need to go to a party this weekend, so I have to be nice to my mother.", he mumbled pushing me inside, and I could see Anne at her window, smiling.
He closed the door behind him, and shook his curls as I kicked off my shoes in the hallway and made my way into the kitchen, where I got out some stuff to make tea.
He leaned against the door frame, still in his converse, watching me as I stood on my tip-toes to get a cup of tea out of a cupboard.
I couldn’t reach it. I tried again, but this time, I felt a pain in my pelvis, caused by Louis’ kicks. I shot a hand to my pain, bending over a bit and lifting my shirt up a little, to reveal my bruised skin.
Harry was looking at it too, making me self-conscious. He looked down at his shoes for a split of a second, before he walked over to me. I was afraid of what he might do, so when he raised his hand, I flinched, thinking that he would hit me.
"I wasn’t going to hit you.", he said slowly as he got out a mug and placed them on the island counter.
"Uh…sorry."
He looked down at me, and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. But I could clearly see vulnerability in his eyes. I never saw that in his stare, never.
"You should go shower…you smell like blood. Uh, I can make the tea."
I turned around and started walking slowly, pulling my backpack with me as I went.
I stepped under the warm, inviting water of the shower, closing my eyes. I didn’t cry. I focused on cleaning myself, before I shaved everywhere, partially out of boredom, partially because I didn’t want to see Harry.
When I got out of the shower, I wrapped myself in a towel and exited the bathroom, to go in my room. I was rummaging through my closet to find myself some warm, comfortable clothes to wear.
"I made the tea."
I turned around, with the clothes in my hand, still in the towel. Harry was leaning against the door frame, something which seemed like he always did.
"That’s good. Thank you. You can, uh. Go."
He looked at me, before looking down at my legs, which were exposed.
"You’re fat.", was all he said, before exiting my room.
Moments later, I saw him jog across the street to his house, and enter it, slamming the door behind him.
My heart still stung because of his words. I dressed up and went downstairs, to see that he forgot his phone. It buzzed, making me jump. A message appeared on his lock screen, and I read it, accidentally.
From: Louis:
Received at: 4:30pm
can I slep at yours 2nithe? Dads beatign mom againn :/
My heart shattered at his text.
Suddenly, a part of him forgave him, because I understood why he was beating me. Yet still, it wasn’t okay and I hated him.
I dressed up with my jacket and coat, before slipping in my UGGs and running to his door, to ring the bell.
He answered.
"What?", he spat.
I held out his phone. He snatched it away from my grasp and looked at it.
"Did you read the text?"
I shook my head.
"Jackie.", he repeated.
"I didn’t."
He slammed the door in my face, and I returned home, making sure I locked the door before I went up to my room, to do some homework.
Louis
I dressed up with my shirt, as Lindsay pulled up her skirt.
"So?", I asked as she licked her lips, arranging her hair.
"So what?", she asked after we exited the bathroom, into the crowded hallway. Everyone was going home.
"So, how was iiit?"
She stopped and I stopped too. She put her hands on my waist, as I kept mine in my pockets.
"It was…mind blowing.", she smiled and I leaned down to place kiss on her lips.
"So what are we?", she asked, not moving as the students passed by us.
"Friends with benefits?"
She smiled. “Well, I’d love to hang out at my place after school, but I have to go to sleep over and Leslie’s tonight. You can come over tomorrow though, I think my parents are away for the whole weekend.”
"Okay."
She smirked and kissed me, before leaving. I stood there, until I realised that the hallway was empty.
As I walked down the stairs and along the main hallway, I thought about how I didn’t want to go home. I hated that place. The only thing that made me go back there were my four little sisters, who needed my help every time my father would beat my mom. I hated to watch my mom or my sisters cry, and I hated to hear her screams as he hit her.
Every time I stood up to him, he would slap me, or kick me. So I gave up.
"Just because no one is ever going to love you, it doesn’t mean that you can creep at other girls’ boyfriends."
I looked up to see Jackie with her back at me, and Harry exiting the building, leaving only her and I in the whole school. And, of course, Mr. Hunter. I felt anger boil inside me after the whole thoughts about my father, and I just wanted to take it out on someone.
And that someone was right in front of me.
"That was harsh."
She froze.
I stepped in front of her.
"But you deserved it, you little bitch.", I said as I started walking forwards, until she hit the wall.
"You need to pay for what you did that night in Manchester…"
As I started hitting her, my phone beeped, but I didn’t bother to check it, because I was too blinded by fury.
"You…fucking…slag.", I said kicking her in her ribs and pelvis, knowing from my own experiences that that’s where it hurt the most.
Then, my phone beeped again. But I knew this ringtone. It was either Lottie’s, mom’s or Fizzy’s.
I checked my phone. I scrunched my eyes, trying to recognize the letters.
I was dyslexic. That’s why I never passed chemistry. I couldn’t understand those problems. I barely got math, or any subject for that matter. And I had trouble reading. Every time there was something written somewhere, it took ages for me to understand what it said. I could write, yes, but with several spelling problems. No one knew this, and no one ever will, not even Harry.
I hated how everyone called me stupid because I was almost 21, but never passed chemistry. Some people make fun of me, I can hear that, but I never pay attention. It makes me mad…if they only knew.
Finally, I could read the text clearly.
From: Lottie
Received at: 3:57pm
Lou please come home, dad is drunk again. :(
"You’re lucky this time. You worthless piece of crap.", I said and immediately left her laying there, storming out of the building.
I composed a message for Lottie, even though I couldn’t read the letters perfectly, I saw the shapes.
To: Lottie
Sent at: 3:58pm
B rite there
I jumped in my Mini Cooper and instantly drove towards my house, thinking and praying that nothing happened yet.
When I got home, I sighed out relieved, learning that dad passed out on the couch and mom was not home yet.
When I climbed up the stairs, I was met by four bodies slamming into me, hugging me.
"We were so worried…", Fizzy said and Lottie agreed.
"We thought he was going to be mad again.", Phoebe said.
I stroked the twins’ hair. “Well I’m here now so it’s all alright now. Just stay in your room, and he won’t do anything…he’s sleeping.”
They obeyed and I entered my room, before sitting down on my bed, throwing the backpack on the floor.
It was only ten minutes later, when I heard my mom step through the door. All the girls greeted her joyful, running down the stairs.
I followed behind, happy that he was asleep, so we could enjoy some quiet time eating in piece.
However, the happiness didn’t last long, because one minute later, he was stumbling through the kitchen, holding a bottle of almost empty Vodka in his hand.
My skin crawled as I watched him near my mother. All eyes were on him.
"Did you make me food?", he growled and I could smell the alcohol all the way here.
She shook her head. “Um…I’m planning on-“
A powerful, loud slap was heard, and I watched mom who had tears in her eyes.
"You’re useless!!", he yelled and pushed her.
"Please don’t!", Daisy yelled and his head snapped towards her.
"Shut up you slag."
My heart started beating when he took a step towards the twins. Mom hit him with a bottle, but it was plastic, so it didn’t to any damage. He turned to her.
"Did you just hit me?"
"Go.", she mouthed to me, and I knew she wanted me to take the girls to their grandma.
I nodded and while I heard another slap, I motioned for the girls to follow me.
"Pack your bags, we’re spending the weekend at grandma’s.", I said rapidly, and in two minutes, they were hurrying down the stairs, with backpacks in their hands. I had a dufflebag in my trunk, I always had.
"Where the fuck do you think you’re going?", he yelled coming behind me. I spun around and threw a punch at him, before I left.
Everyone piled up in my car, and I couldn’t help but feel angry at myself for leaving mom there, in that hell hole.
I dropped the girls off at grandma’s, and she nodded when I told her to lock the doors and the windows, just in case my dad was finished with beating my mom.
When I got in the car, I sat there, deciding on what to do. I had no place in my grandma’s flat. She and the wins shared her and granddad’s bed, Lottie was sleeping on the couch and Fizzy usually took my dad’s old bed.
I found Harry’s number, which was written under the letters HS, because they were easier to read.
To: HS
Sent at: 4:30pm
can I slep at yours 2nithe? Dads beatign mom againn :/
I couldn’t help but think that if grandpa was here, things would have been different. Dad started drinking when grandpa died, and that’s pretty much when hell broke loose.
My dad started drinking and when he came home late at night, he usually fought with my mom, until one day, when he slapped her. That’s when it all started. Whenever my mom said ‘go’, I’d take the girls to grandma, and I used to stay at Harry’s, who was the only one who knew what was going on. Well, he and his mom.
Harry’s stepdad was pretty much the same, sometimes drunk, but he would never beat Anne, no. He would hit Harry, then threaten to kill him if he’d tell anything to Anne.
I realised I was crying when my phone buzzed, and my vision was blurry. I wiped my tears and looked down at my iPhone, trying to read Harry’s text.
From: HS
Received at: 4:37pm
Yeah of course. We can sleep in my room.
I sighed relieved. His room was in the barn in his back garden, meaning we wouldn’t be bothered if we decided to smoke or drink.
I drove at his house, before leaving my car by the sidewalk, since his driveway was already full.
I got out of the car and slammed the door shut. My eyes flickered up to his game room/occasional bedroom/study room. The door was opened and Anne stood there, looking at me.
"Hello, Louis!", she chanted, inviting me in. "Sleeping over tonight?"
"For the whole weekend.", Harry said appearing behind her. She nodded and disappeared inside, while I kicked my shoes off and Harry closed the door.
We walked up to the game room, and I sat down on a bean bag.
"You’re alright…right?", he asked a bit concerned.
I nodded. “Let’s not talk about it.”
He agreed and fell on the bean bag next to me, picking up his controller.
"Now Tommo, be ready to lose, like the little bitch that you are."
Four hours later, it was dark outside, and Anne suggested we went in the barn now, because they announced rain tonight and for the rest of next week.
He locked the door behind him, and I put my bag down, next to his closet. We sat down on the couch, in just our sweatpants, and he put in a movie, which I immediately recognised as The Avengers.
"She looks good in that tight suite.", Harry observed sipping from his beer.
I nodded in agreement, whilst taking my phone out to text Lottie.
To: Lottie
Sent at: 9:23pm
u alrite? Good nihtg x
I received a response moments later. My eyes lingered for a bit, before my vision became clear.
From: Lottie
Received at: 9:24pm
Yeah we’re good and good night ! Btw, you need to learn how to spell…:) xxxxxxxxxx
I sadly smiled, before throwing my phone on the bed.
"Who are you taking to the prom?", Harry asked leaning forwards, to open another bottle.
"Uh, Lindsay.", I responded opening the bag of chips that was on the floor.
"You’re together? Since when?"
I shrugged. “Today. We shagged…but we’re not a thing…we’re…friends with benefits.”
"Was she good?"
"Yeah man, she was great."
He snickered.
"And you’re going with…?"
"Mackenzie, of course.", he stated the obvious.
"Who do you think the other lad’s are going with?"
"Well Niall is probably going with Kelly…I don’t know about Zayn and Liam, but they’re definitely going to find someone. And Josh…he’ll probably ask Jackie."
I snorted.
"That ugly bird?"
Harry shrugged. After a short silence, he said, more like stated:
"You beat her up today."
"So?"
"So I think…it was a little out of hand. I mean I don’t like her and all…but-"
"But what? You’re the one who started with the bullying, and now you’re not okay with it?"
"I didn’t say I’m not okay, just that you shouldn’t hit her that hard, people are going to ask her who did it, and she’ll tell. You might end up in pr-"
"You know what? Shut the fuck up!", I snapped getting up and slipping in my shoes, throwing my hoodie on.
"Where are you going?", he asked.
"For a walk."
I fumbled through my backpack for a pack of cigarettes, and pulled it out, before storming out.
It wasn’t raining yet, but it was cold, so I zipped my hoodie up over my bare chest, and walked down the street. I stopped at the corner and leaned against a brick wall, where I slided down and rested my head on the cold wall.
I don’t know why, but I began crying, a thing I never really did. I sniffed while I took drags out of my cigarette, and closed my eyes.
Harry
Louis left, and I fell back on the couch. My eyes fell on the TV for a second, before they fell down to my hands. I eyed the colourful bracelets on my left wrist, and slowly, my right hand pulled them down, all eight of them.
They revealed my scarred, bruised wrist, which contained the eight deep cuts that I made.
I was cutting because my step dad always told me I was nothing, worthless and ugly; because he was beating me sometimes when mom was away on a late night meeting and he came home drunk; because I’m never going to be good enough for anyone and because even if I didn’t show it, I was very insecure.
I knew it was pathetic and for a boy to be insecure, but I couldn’t help it. Robin never failed at making me self-concious and even though Mackenzie assured me I was ‘fit’ and ‘hot’, she never used the word beautiful or cute.
I slowly went to the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bathtub, getting out the razor that I hid in the cabinet, under my Ecstasy pills.
As it re-opened my cuts, I couldn’t help but think why Mackenzie was with me. I was ugly, and fat, and worthless. Maybe my popularity kept her with me. I didn’t know what I’d do if she’d ever hurt me. Not after Julie.
Julie was my four year long girlfriend, since fifth to ninth grade. She cheated on me during the summer between middle school and high school, and because she was my first kiss, shag and love, it made me go insane.
I started cutting when I saw her on the hallways with her new boyfriend, he was much taller and better built than I was. I became friends with Niall, Louis, Liam and Zayn, and after that, we soon became the most popular kids in high school. She left, however, in tenth grade, making me even more determined to cut myself.
Then, in the summer of 2012, I attended a party where I saw Mackenzie. I knew here, she was in the popular girls group, head cheerleader and not to mention, she was fucking fit. So we slept together that night, and the next day, I asked for her number.
A month later, we started dating. I wasn’t sure if it was love that I felt towards her, but the butterflies in my stomach were always there. I knew she loved me too, but I couldn’t help but keep feeling worthless and like trash.
I bullied kids because I wanted them to feel the pain that I felt, emotional and physical. I didn’t want to be alone, even though I felt like it.
A tear rolled down my cheek from the pain I felt on my wrist, and as I finished the last ninth cut (I accidentally cut one more), I stood up and hid the razor, before washing my hands and putting on my wristbands.
I felt pathetic once again, because I let myself be so weak. If anyone would found out about this, I’d feel so ashamed.
I took my phone out and distracted myself by going on Facebook.
Harry Styles: hi :)
MacKenzie Sandler: hey babe ;)
Harry Styles: wanna CUM over?
MacKenzie Sandler: why don’t you COME over? :))
Harry Styles: because Louis is here :D and I don’t like your sister when she’s giving me that disgusted look
MacKenzie: her boyfriend is here, so you shouldn’t worry about that :) but ok I can sneak out in five minutes, but I can’t stay the night
Harry Styles: why?
MacKenzie Sandler is typing…
I sent Louis a text, announcing him that Mackenzie was coming over.
To: Louis
Sent at: 9:51pm
Hey bro sorry about earlier…ur right. :) and btw, Mackenzie’s coming over for a quick shag, so would you mind staying out a bit longer? :D
My phone beeped, notifying that I had a new Facebook message.
MacKenzie Sandler: my mom has this fashion show in Ireland and we got tickets, but plane leaves at 9am, so we have to get up at 5. But I can come and we can shag if you want too ;)
Harry Styles: are you here yet?
Louis
I typed a response to Harry’s text.
To: HS
Sent at: 9:53pm
its ok mate :) ill be out until 11, so make it quikc
He replied with a winky face.
I stood up from the ground, feeling how my arse was getting cold. I needed to find something to do in an hour.
My mind darted to my mom.
To: MOM
Sent at: 10:00pm
Mom r u ok?
She didn’t reply in the next ten minutes, which meant that she was busy…or that she was hurt really badly.
Once again, I hated myself for leaving her, but I knew she wanted to protect us. I called her.
My heart jumped when she answered.
"Louis?"
"Mom.", my voice shook and I stopped in my tracks, right across from Harry’s house. I could see Mackenzie going in his backyard.
"Are you okay mom?"
She sighed. “Yes.”
"Where is he?", I asked, feeling my that my eyes started to sting.
"He’s asleep on the floor."
"Why…why won’t you divorce him?"
"I love him. And I know this will all pass someday."
There was a short silence.
"Are you hurt?", I asked again, this time letting my tears go. I couldn’t do it anymore.
All this time, I tried to act mature and strong, but I couldn’t do it anymore. It started raining.
"I’m okay baby, don’t cry. See you on Monday, okay?"
I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me.
"Okay.", I said, gulping. "I love you, mommy."
"I love you too baby."
I hung up, to find myself drenched in sweat. The lights in Harry’s house were all turned off, and the light coming from the barn just got turned off.
I looked down at my shoes, feeling alone.
Then, my eyes flickered upwards, to the house next to me. There was only one light on, and that was coming from upstairs, from a balcony.
I went and tried the doorknob, but it was locked. Then, my eyes fell on the big tree in front of her balcony. I climbed up on it, before swinging my leg on her balcony and sighing out relieved as both of my feet touched the ground.
Then, I knocked on the glass door. The curtain was soon opened, and Jackie appeared, wearing nothing but a baggy sweatshirt and short shorts. Her eyes widened and she closed it.
"Jackie, let me in!", I ordered. "I’m drenching! I swear to god if you won’t let me in in the next five seconds, I’m going to kill you on the first occasion! One…two…three…FOUR!! Five!!"
The curtain was pulled to the side and she hesitantly opened the door. I stumbled in, and she closed it, leaving the sound of the rain a distand sound.
Jackie
He came inside and I closed the door. I was alone at home, dad and Helen will be gone for the whole weekend, because some problems turned up with the house in Los Angeles. Lindsay was eighteen, so they trusted her for three days.
Louis went to my bed and sat down on the edge, shaking his hair, wetting my bed a bit.
"You’re going to wet my bed.", I said without thinking.
He looked at me, and I was scared. His eyes fell down to my legs, and I suddenly felt insecure. I knew he thought I was too fat.
I thought back to what I’ve just done to the skin on my wrist, a few minutes ago. It was the first time I cut myself, and it felt good.
And it was all because of Louis, Harry, Niall, Liam, Zayn and Foxy Five.
Although, the emotional damage was because of Harry, who hurt me with his words, and the physical damage, that was caused by Louis, who hurt me with his punches.
I pulled the sleeve of my sweatshirt down, hiding the damage on my right wrist, since I was left handed.
"What are you doing here?", I asked, my voice shaking.
"Harry and Mackenzie are fucking, it started raining so I need a place to stay at for an hour." His voice was croaked, like he’d been crying.
"And why did you come to me?" I looked at his face, his eyes swollen. "Were you crying?", I asked.
He looked surprised. He stood up, and kicked off his sneakers, before coming to me. My heart started beating faster. He got me trapped against the wall. His arm shot up, and my head flinched.
"Please don’t hit me.", I whispered covering my face. Turns out, he only wanted to rest his hand above my head, so he could be at the same eye level as I was.
"I wasn’t going to hit you.", he replied, looking into my eyes.
"Why not?", I asked.
"Because you don’t deserve it now."
"And I deserved it all the other times?"
I was cut off by his hand across my cheek once again.
"You bitch, don’t even talk back to me."
And with that, he exited my room, and climbed down the tree, to disappear into the rain.
The next day was Saturday, I thought I wasn’t going to see him, but my luck changed once I returned from the store, in the pouring rain. He was there, just coming out of the house. He looked at me, and I wanted to turn around, but he was quicker. He grabbed my arm and pushed me into the wall of my house, where he started kicking me in the ribs. He left when a car passed by us.
"It won’t be as dull as it was today, whore.", he said.
I stood up and went inside, slamming the door with all my power, crying. I slided down on it, feeling my clothes cling onto my body.
I hated him.
It was Monday night, almost 10pm. I was just finishing my homework for tomorrow. After that I took a shower and changed into my usual PJ’s: plaid shorts and a baggy shirt.
Dad and Helen hadn’t come home yet, but they said that they might come tomorrow.
I froze when there was a faint knock on the balcony door. I knew it was probably Louis, but I opened the curtain anyway. Once again, there he stood: wet and angry.
He motioned to my room, and I opened the door, fearing that if I didn’t, he’d kill me at school.
"Why do you keep coming here?", I asked.
"Shut up."
"I can’t let you stay here, if you won’t tell me what happened."
"Like you care.", he said taking off his shoes. He dropped his backpack on the floor, and that’s when I realised that he hasn’t been home.
"Is this because your dad beats your mom?"
The words left my mouth on their own. His head snapped up, and that’s when I saw the bags under his eyes, and the puffy skin around them.
He instantly cornered me. Once again, he put his hand above my head, one gripping into my waist, making me yelp, because he touched a spot that was bruised.
"How do you know about that?"
I didn’t respond.
"Answer me!", he hissed.
"I saw a text that you sent Har-"
He slapped me again, and I let the tears stream down my cheeks.
"You’re so fucking sensible.", he groaned gripping tighter into my hips.
"I…it hurts.", I whispered.
His eyes softened, and after he looked me straight in the eyes, he spoke, in a low, calm voice:
"Show me."
My eyes widened.
"What?"
"Show me your bruises."
"No."
"Jackie.", he warned.
He took a step back, motioning for me to show him. I gulped, knowing that I had no other choice than to obey him.
I pulled the hem of my shirt up a bit, to reveal my belly button. His eyes darted down to the large blue marks all over my skin. My stomach was rising up and down, and my ribcage was damaged by the heart that was pounding against it.
"I…I did that?", he whispered, not tearing his eyes from my body.
I nodded, and my stomach growled. I hadn’t eaten anything all day, because they kept reminding me of how fat I was.
He took a step forwards, and his hands reached to my waist, before he pulled down my shorts. I gasped, feeling exposed, but he slapped my hands that desperately tried to cover up.away.
He watched my bruises that went down until my knees, the scratches, the scars and the marks.
"Oh god.", he said when he pulled my sweatshirt to reach my bra. The long, purple mark was at view, starting from my waist, going all the way up to my ribs.
I looked down at his hands. His fingers were fidgeting, and he chewed on his bottom lip.
He was a completely different person. His eyes were filled with compassion and sorry, regret. And most important, guilt. I pulled my shorts up higher.
He took another step forwards, once again trapping be between the wall and him. His lips went to my ear, his hot, heavy breathing brushing my neck.
"I’m sorry.", he whispered, before I felt his lips press to my cheek, staying there.
My hands placed themselves on his waist and he just stood there, with his head in the crook of my neck. His hands slowly ran along my thighs and the bottom hem of my shorts, slipping underneath a bit.
"I’m so sorry.", he repeated, and that’s when I felt tears falling down my shoulder.
I carefully pushed him by his shoulder, so I could stare into his eyes. He was crying.
"I forgive you, Louis.", I said weakly.
He watched me, without saying a word. Then he took another step forwards.
"Yes.", he whispered, running his hands up my waist, until he reached my face, cupping it softly.
"Yes what?"
"Yes, it’s because of my father beating up my mother."
My heart started racing, feeling sorry for him.
"I’m sorry.", I said barely audible.
"I’m going to do something."
"What?"
"But you won’t tell anyone at school, or I’ll beat you to death."
I raised my brows, and my eyes widened when he leaned in and closed his eyes. His soft lips pressed up against mine. They tasted like alcohol. Strong alcohol.
He licked my lips, and I opened my mouth, deepening the kiss. He didn’t seem to mind that I was new at this. He walked me backwards, so my back could rest against the wall. We were still kissing, his fingers rubbing my cheeks. I could feel his tears.
He pulled away, licking his lips.
"No one will find out about this.", he stated, before leaving.
He left me there, with my shirt half up, staring at the wall, the realisation of what just happened sinking in.
—-
The bell rang, and everyone hurried in chemistry. We knew that a new assignment was coming up today, and I feared it.
Mr. Clark entered the room and greeted us, before sitting down.
"Be quiet for a moment, I am finishing to grade your tests…"
Everyone tensed. It was the third test in this term, and we had one more before winter break.
He got up from the desk and passed out the tests. I glanced down at mine.
"Remember, 50 and over means you passed."
94
I smiled, before looking at Harry’s paper.
78
He was actually smart. Then, I glanced at Louis’ paper.
31
He buried his head in his hands, sighing. He noticed that I was looking at him.
"What?", he snapped.
"A…nothing."
I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but I was afraid he might over react.
"The highest score was achieved by Mr. Malik, with 99 points, and the lowest, as always, by Mr. Tomlinson himself."
Louis’ fists clenched under the table. His hand gripped into my thigh and I almost yelped out whilst his fingers dug into my skin, through the material of my jeans.
"Louis…stop.", I whispered.
"Why can’t you pull your crap together, for once, Mr. Tomlinson? You’re the student that recieves the lowest grade in your year, if not in the whole school.", Mr. Clark went on, and everyone was staring.
Louis’ fingers were shaking, and he was mad. My hand placed itself over his knuckles, trying to make him stop with the pain he was causing on my thighs.
I felt his hand relax.
"Yeah, you’re right Mr. Clark, I’ll get better.", he spoke. The teacher nodded.
"Now on with your next project. I want this to be in Power Point. Come and pick a theme."
I stood in line for our project.
Harry
"Are you okay mate?", I asked once Jackie went to get a small piece of paper.
"Yeah, but Clark is pissin’ me off."
When she returned, she opened the paper.
Oxygen
Another easy theme, which we had to make in two weeks.
—-
I dropped my backpack to the floor when I got home. Mom came out of the kitchen, with her phone in her hand. I raised a brow.
"Harry dear, I have some news."
"Hm?", I asked sitting down on the sofa, turning the TV on.
"Lindsay, Jackie and Josh Vega are coming to sleep over for the whole week."
I groaned. “Why?”
I didn’t mind Lindsay or Josh, but I wasn’t in the mood to see Jackie.
"Because their parents had an emergency in California, and they don’t trust them alone for a whole week."
I shrugged. “So?”
"I was wondering if you could prepare your room for Jackie."
"What? No way."
"You’re sleeping in the shed anyways-"
"NO!"
I stood up, fuming.
"Josh will take the guest room, Lindsay will take Gemma’s room, and Jackie-"
"Fine! Whatever. I can last for a week.", I mumbled annoyed, suddenly not in the mood for TV anymore.
It was almost 11pm when I decided that I should go to sleep. My eyelids were heavy whilst I texted Mackenzie.
To: Mackenize
Sent at: 11:01pm
Goodnight baby x
From: Mackenzie
Received at: 11:01pm
Goodnight dream about me xx
To: Mackenzie
Sent at: 11:02pm
Always x
I closed by eyes, trying to sleep. But I couldn’t. I shuffled out of bed and grabbed a cigarette and a lighter out of the pack that I kept hidden in my backpack, since my mother wasn’t okay with the idea of me smoking.
I dressed up with sweatpants and a sweatshirt, before I exited my shed.
I entered the house through the back door and swiftly went up the stairs. I needed to smoke. It was when I opened the door to my room, I remembered that Jackie was sleeping in it. However, she wasn’t in her bed. I spotted her on the balcony. She was wearing plaid shorts and a sweater, leaning against the railing.
I stepped outside and lighted up my fag. She looked at me surprised. We didn’t say anything.
It started raining, so I threw my cigarette away and followed her inside. I locked the balcony door and she got into bed.
"Get up.", I said biting my lip, thinking if what I was about to do was a good idea.
She slowly sat up, frightened.
"Come here.", I said sitting on the edge of the bed. She stood up and came towards me. I reached out and tugged her by the hem of her shirt towards me. She flinched.
"Show me your bruises.", I spoke calmy, my eyes travelling down to her bare thighs. They were full of bruises, marks, scars and scratches. She gulped and slowly pulled her shirt up to reach her breasts. I gasped when I saw the big bruise on her rib. My eyes darted to her stomach, eyeing the blue marks.
I knew they hurt. My finger brushed over her smooth skin. Hr breath hitched.
"Does it hurt?", I asked.
She nodded.
"Where?"
"Everywhere.", she said sadly, her eyes drifting to the floor.
"What is that?", she gasped. I followed her gaze, then I froze.
She saw my cuts, because I didn’t bother to cover them up.
"Nothing.", I snapped at her and stood up. I pushed her aside and exited the room.
When I got to my shed, I took a pill out of the box and swallowed it, before going to my bed and laying down on it.
I closed my eyes, waiting for my mind to drift in a state of euphoria, where everything that hurts would be gone.
----
Please comment :) And thanks for reading :D
xoxo,
Ronnie
YOU ARE READING
Between Love and Hate
FanfictionWARNINGS: SEXUAL CONTENT, DRUG USE, LANGUAGE, ABUSE, SELF HARM AND EATING DISORDER. This was published in 2011 on onedirectionfanfiction.com, and I decided to post it here as well in case people were interested. Jackie Vega moved with her family(w...
