Wonderlust

Beyond the Expression of Words

My dad's house had plenty of guest rooms, he set us up on the same floor but in different rooms. It was like a hotel but homier, it was incredible. I was hesitant about the room thing because for the last two months I had been sleeping either with, or in close proximity with Dylan. It was something I had grown used to and I wasn't sure how I would do without him, but I suppose I should give it a shot.

"Go ahead and make yourself at home." My dad assured. "Anything you need just ask. You've probably figured, but money is not a problem for me."

I sat on the bed and smiled at him. "Sure thing, dad."

He grinned at those few words. "I'm sorry about Matt too, he's usually not that grumpy. He called me up a few days again, because he lives on his own now, and said he needed to have a chat with me. The two of you may or may not have interrupted it. It's not your fault though, he can just tell me some other time."

"Oh." I blinked, that was somewhat comforting. "Okay."

I had to admit the thought of having a brother was entertaining, I really hope it worked out.

"Hey dad?" I asked, just as he turned away.

"Yeah?"

"Speaking of Matthew, I couldn't but notice how old he is... and you said he was my half-brother?"

His face fell ever so slightly. "Ah yes... I'm sorry about that. You're right. Twenty years ago, I was a much different man, I was reckless, thought I ruled the world. The truth is, I did make some really stupid decisions. It was about three years before you were born, I was at a bachelor party with some buddies of mine, we got drunk. I don't even remember what happened until months later when the lady called me up, I thought I could keep it a secret and ah... here we are."

I frowned as I took in this information. "Oh."

"I've learned from my mistakes, thank God." He chuckled. "You can rest easy on that."

"Okay, thanks for telling me." I replied.

"You're welcome. Goodnight Allie." He left the door just barely cracked open.

I took my binder off and stretched a bit, letting the muscles relax. I shouldn't have been wearing it all day. Tomorrow will have to be a break day. Then I laid back down on back on this super nice bed and tried to relax the rest of my body. However, something didn't settle right with me. There was a heavy weight sitting on my chest and it was keeping me wide awake.

Then the door cracked open quietly, I glanced over to see Dylan stepping in quietly. He stood over me, pausing as I looked over at him.

"I uh, I came to say goodnight." He smiled sheepishly.

"Aww."

"What?"

"That's so dumb and cute, c'mere." I sat up against the pillows and patted the spot next to me.

He sat down and leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Also, I'm sorry about earlier. I Know I probably just should have deadnamed you but I would feel really bad about doing that. So, I'm sorry Atticus."

I sighed, happy to hear my name again. "It's okay."

He looked over at me, eyebrows pulled together in concern, the color was starting to fade out of them. I could see the roots of his hair now and I was right, he was blonde. "You sure?"

"Yeah I'm... I'm fine?" My voice cracked when I said it.

He scooted closer to me and took my hand in his and squeezed it gently. I wasn't fine, but that was okay.

"I don't know how I'm going to tell him." I started talking. "I want to do it tomorrow."

"I can do it for you." He suggested. "If you want."

I shook my head. "No, but I do want your help."

"I can do that." He assured. "I'd pretty much do anything for you, you know that?"

"Psh, stop it." I blushed.

"Nah it's true." He insisted. "You're the love of my life, babe."

I glanced over as his face, his dumb lovestruck expression. He kissed my knuckles real quick, I laughed and covered my blush with the other hand. Boys are dumb but this one sure was persistent.

"Hey Dylan?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"How'd you come out? To your stepdad? If that's okay for me to ask."

His face fell, but only slightly. "Ah, geeze. That was years ago. I had stolen some money from him to go and get myself a haircut, and he threw a fit when he saw it. He was also completely hammered, but that's nothing new. If I remember he threw a chair at me, called me a dyke, and I didn't see him for the rest of the night. I tried to talk to him the next morning I saw him, which was a few days later, but he just never really acknowledged it, and hasn't since."

"Ah geeze." I said. "That's rough."

"Yeah." He shrugged. "We both had it rough, but this time is going to be different. You're dad's awesome."

"He is, isn't he?"

"Totally dude."

I snorted. "You're going to fit right in here in California."

"Oh yeah." He agreed. "I'll walk up to the beach, surfboard in hand, shirt off, boobs gone, and you can laugh at me while I try to pick up chicks."

I laughed again. My face was red and hot and the corners of my mouth hurt from smiling so much. I loved him so much, it was beyond the expression of words. When he smiled you could see the gap where a tooth should be and I was filled with a strong urge to kiss him because of it.

"I know I said I was just going to say goodnight, but uh-"

I turned his head towards me and kissed him deeply. His eyelashes fluttered against my cheek, his pretty blonde ones. I let my fingers trace through his hair too, because it was soft as heck.

"How about you stay?" I smirked down at him.

"How bout I do." He blinked, bewildered and also in love.

He was right, he was always right. Everything was going to be fine.