Wonderlust

Fairly Long Plank of Wood

I wasn't even aware of where Dylan was driving to until he rolled the window down. The smell of salt and the sun hit me (it really does come in waves) and I glanced up for a moment to see there was a beach in front of us. The car doors clicked open, and Dylan glanced at me, worried.

"Here." He said, patting my hand. "Step outside and let me propose something."

I frowned at him and wiped my red puffy eyes. He grabbed his mcr hoodie and jumped out of the car. I climbed out just in time to see him pull it over his head. The sight of Dylan's head popping out of the sweatshirt looking dazed with ruffled blue hair made me feel a little better. He smiled and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the beach. The sky was overcast and grey and it made the water look fierce and dangerous. To the left a large pier stretched out into the water, covered in black barnacles and seaweed. There were more clumps of the stuff piles up in mounds across the beach. The sand stretched out for miles and I was surprised by how big it was, and there was... so much sand. The beaches back in Washington didn't even come close to this.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To the pier." Dylan explained.

I let him lead and he swung our hands back and forth gently. No words were said. I stared at the sea gulls and the pigeons fighting over chip bags and discarded fries. Until the thuds of our shoes were no longer muffled by the sand and were replaced by the heavy steps of off-brand converse on wood. Then all of a sudden, Dylan stopped.

"Here's the plan." He said. "This is a fairly long plank of wood. First, we walk to the end, and we can talk about all the horrible things that have happened so far, but on the way back we can only talk about the good ones. How does that sound?"

"That's perfect." I sniffed and wiped my eyes again.

"Okay you go first, you obviously have a lot more you need to get out right now." He insisted.

He squeezed my hand and we started walking again. I sucked in a deep breath and wondered where I should even start.

"All I'm asking for." My voice shook. "Is one parent, even if they don't agree or don't understand it, one parent who will just shut up and at least humor me. It's like I'm being pushed to make so many decisions, what colleges I want to go do, what line of work I want to get into it. All of these are so important decisions that are going to affect the rest of my life, and I'm expected to make them right here and now. But when it comes to who I actually am, something only I know, they won't even listen to me."

I had started crying again. I wiped away the tear quickly and tried to take deep breath.

"Adults are stupid like that." Dylan nodded. "All they are is walking boxes of outdated information that have been here a little longer than we have."

I laughed but then everything still hurt so it dissolved into more crying.

"I really thought he would be better Dylan. I thought he would at least try and listen."

"Me too."

"God I just... I'm sorry I just..." My breaths started coming harsher and my face was so flushed and gross.

"It's okay." He leaned against my shoulder. "Get it all out."

"I... I hate my body." I breathed in shakily.

Sometimes it just felt really good to say it. It wasn't fair that I was forced into being born like this, into being raised like this, into being treated like this. Forced to live in a cage of paper that I wasn't strong enough to cut through, but it was delicate, oh-so delicate.