Bad Girl Image

14

C H A P T E R 1 4 

Slamming my room door shut, I flopped on my bed and quietly sobbed into my pillow. I've haven't cried in a long time. I was vulnerable. Why? I have no idea.

After those words left from Killian's lips, it was like my whole world came crashing down at once, my past breezing right through me again. Things I tried to stay hidden deep, deep down in me, was now re-surfacing.

My past was daring, trying to enter back in my mind. The only question to ask is..why did it take only one sentence from Killian to make me feel the way I was feeling now? What made him different from all the other hurtful things people use to me in the face?

I was stronger than this, never letting words from people hurt me. Hell, I've had enough practice to hide away my feelings, my past, my thoughts. But now I felt like Killian's word triggered something inside of me.

My past feelings coming back. I could vividly remember how empty I felt, how insecure I felt even the feeling of being lonely. Years of being picked on, bullied, or even not fitting in, feeling like a nightmare. I hated my old self, I was vulnerable, gullible even. I was stomped on, having the feeling of not being cared for all these years.

My parents.

I missed them. Although I was quite young when they had passed I could still remember their faces like the back of my head. 

How my mother's eyes used to sparkle in the light when she and I would cook around the house. Or when my father's hair tousled in the wind when he would take me to get late night snacks without my mother knowing. But the times we spent together as a family was the best moments.

God! Why? Why would Killian say such words to me? He didn't know anything for the matter! Even though I was sad, I was angry also. Infuriated.

It hurt like hell for sure. But a part of me knew he was partly right. I was only putting up this front, trying to change because I hated myself after my parents passed. But I wasn't going to admit it to him, to anyone. I had to be strong and stop letting my feelings get in my way. I had to tuck them away where no one can see. My feelings, emotion, were dangerous.

"Emma?" a soft voice brought me out of my thoughts. I slowly rose my head from my pillow turning to face the opened door. 

The lights were turned off, it was dark in the room. But I could get a small visibly picture of Margret figure from the hallway lights standing by my door.

Instead of saying anything I turned back around and planted my face back into my pillow in silence. I didn't want her to see my tears, I didn't want her to see my vulnerability. It made me feel weak.

"Emma, are you alright?" her soft voice asked.

"Go away," I mumbled into my pillow, silent tears soaking beneath me on my pillow.

"But Emma-"

I closed my eyes tight trying to remove the void image of my dead parents. "I said go away!" my voice raising and almost cracking.

On cue I heard the door shut close, the darkness in my room re-filling as I continued to sobbed till my eyes felt heavy and I fell fast asleep.

*  *  *

The next morning I woke up to an empty house. I made my way down the stairs into the kitchen when my stomach rumbled loudly.

I guess I haven't been eating lately. So instead of cooking, I grabbed myself an apple to nibble on since I didn't feel like much eating but still needed something to put in my stomach.

Checking the time on my phone - I wasn't surprised to see that I was indeed late for school.

Shrugging my shoulders I pocket away my phone deciding to skip school today. I wasn't feeling being around anyone still recapping my break down yesterday. I haven't cried that much since my parent's death, it was hard.

After I was finish halfway through my apple I threw out the trash, slipping on my jacket and shoes before heading out the front door.

I needed some fresh air.

I debated to drive but finally settled on just taking a stroll through the neighborhood.

The cool breeze whipped through my blonde hair across my forehead as I tucked it behind my ear. I watched the houses identical to ours as I stroll along the sidewalk.

Even though I changed in the last few years, I still felt lonely. Nothing has really changed. Besides the bullying - I still felt the same, why was that? What was wrong me?

I sighed and continued walking before coming across a small park. My feet started the burn due to walking almost a mile, so I stopped to be seated on a green bench under a tree.

My eyes scanned the child-like playground with kids giggles and playing with other little children. And their parents looking happily at their child having fun.

I smiled. Remembering the times when me, my mother and father would walk to park together as they pushed me on the swings. Then after I would be tired we would get ice-cream and sat on the benches as a family.

My eyes blurred with tears ready to spill at my memories before I blinked back my tears.

I missed being normal. Having my real family. And making memories.  

Suddenly I felt a presence, a figure sitting right next to me on the bench. The person had a strong familiar smell that was intoxicating. Instantly I knew who it was. I swallowed a lump in my throat not daring to face the person.

"Emma?" 

|||

sorry about the slow update, i was supposed to update last weekend but we had to get a new wifi box or whatever. 

its 1am as im writing this lol 

Comment! Vote! Follow! & Share!